


EVEN IF I DIE, IT'S YOU.

by InnoSins



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Universe, Explicit Language, Explicit language - ish, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hanahaki Disease, Happy Ending, Jimin has Hanahaki Disease, Jimin is oblivious, Jimin is very very very oblivious, Kim Taehyung | V & Park Jimin Are Best Friends, Little Space, Little! Jimin, M/M, No explicit smut, No explicit smut but Jimin reads fanfiction and jerks off..., OT7, Park Jimin-centric, vmin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-16 03:11:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16077149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InnoSins/pseuds/InnoSins
Summary: The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs of flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings (A/N: and sometimes memories) disappear along with the petals. It can be cured without side effects only when the feelings are returned. (Source: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2405873)~~~Park Jimin is suffering from Hanahaki Disease... but he has no idea who he's in love with.





	EVEN IF I DIE, IT'S YOU.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [walking_my_potato](https://archiveofourown.org/users/walking_my_potato/gifts).



> DISCLAIMER! DISCLAIMER! DISCLAIMER!  
> \- This story is set during the filming for Hwarang and pre-BS&T era.  
> \- I chose Jeju as the shooting location randomly, because this fic was written for a beautiful soul who is not ARMY, but loves vmin and didn't care. x)  
> \- GREAT LIBERTIES HAVE BEEN TAKEN - duh :3  
> -This story is not beta read or edited. Any and all errors/typos are my own. Oops. 
> 
> Thank you Effie, Julia, Shay, C and Adrian <3  
> I adore you, my lovelies!

The first time it happened they were at a fansign in Hong Kong. It had been a tiring day and Jimin was five seconds away from falling asleep at the fansign table. "Boo!" Taehyung mock whispered into his ear (Read: Yelled. Loudly) whacking him on the head with a squeaky toy a fan had gifted him. Jimin jumped with a start, the notion of sleep abandoning him for the moment. He whacked his best friend back, who ducked behind his arm laughing mischievously. Jimin felt his heart warm in his chest, not an unfamiliar feeling. But what followed wasn't familiar... Not at all. A cough built up in his chest and he felt it rising followed with something (soft? Solid?) moving up his oesophagus. In a split second he made the decision to duck under the table pretending to pick something up. He had close to five hundred cameras trained on him, hell if was going to throw up in front of them. "Jiminnie? You okay?" Taehyung asked from above, his voice laced with concern. He nodded, not trusting himself to speak. His throat constricted around the substance, whatever it was, and before he could think twice, he coughed it into his hands after a rough hacking session. "Jimin-ah?"

 

Jimin didn’t answer. He was stunned silent, looking down at his hands which held five white rose petals.

 

 

~~~

 

 

It was a month later and Jimin’s condition had not improved. Every few days, he would fall to the ground, coughing until his throat was raw,  hands clamped across his mouth to catch stray foliage from escaping. His voice had gotten worse and he was getting consistently sicker. His throat felt sore constantly and he could feel himself getting weaker and weaker. This wasn't good. Not at all. Not with their new comeback only months away and so much left to do.

 

"God, what is this new diet they’ve put you on? You don't need to lose any more weight Jimin-ah!" Jin said worriedly, as he put a mug of soup in front of him. It had been two weeks since Jimin had eaten anything solid. Soups, oats and soggy cereals. He didn't know how long he could keep the charade up. Dance practice, which was something that he tended to sail through was getting tougher now. He felt weak constantly. He couldn't sing. He couldn't dance. He hurt everywhere.

 

"You look like you're going to collapse. I'm going to call manager-hyung. This is not okay." Yoongi said seriously as he took a seat at the dining table.  Jimin shot out of his chair, his eyes wide with panic. "No! Hyung, you can't! It's not their fault. It's nobody's fault. I'm not-" he was interrupted by the all too familiar sensation in his chest. Oh god. Oh god. Not here. Not in front of them. Overcome with nausea and panic, he took a shaky step back, wanting to run away. Away from the eyes of his two members, who were looking at him like he was a homeless man without teeth. He swallowed, but the petals kept their ascent up his throat. Hot tears pricked at his eyes and he clamped one hand across his mouth. Not here. Not here. Please god.

 

"Jimin-ah...” Yoongi said softly, taking a step forward. His raspy voice washed over Jimin like a warm hug and for a minute he didn't want to hide it anymore. He didn't want to deal with whatever the hell this weird, supernatural thing was, alone. "Hyung. Help me." He choked out, his voice constricted and pained.

 

Yoongi and Seokjin were both washed white as they watched their dongsaeng fall to his knees and cough. "Jin hyung, water please!" Yoongi yelled, dropping next to him. He whacked Jimin on the back, rather harshly he knew, but it seemed to be helping. With one terrible hack, Jimin collapsed back into his arms. Yoongi caught him and held him steady. The younger boy was trembling in his hold, shivering and his mouth was red. "Fuck... You're bleeding"

 

"Oh my god." Seokjin whispered, the normally shrieky older boy's voice was no higher than a whisper but he wasn't looking at Jimin like Yoongi, instead he had his eyes trained on the wooden floor in front of them. Jimin followed his hyung’s gaze until it landed on a beautiful fully bloomed white rose, perfect in every way, except it was stained with red with Jimin's blood.

 

 

~~~

 

 

"Jilin, stop it's going to be okay."

 

"You don't know that, hyung!" He snapped back, his face immediately falling with guilt. "I'm sorry.. I didn't mean-"

 

"Hush, pabo. Look, I know you're scared, I am too. But we're going to speak to the doctor, and we're going to see how to proceed, okay?" Jimin nodded, letting Seokjin's voice calm him down. While the panic did ease a little, he couldn't stop his fingers from nervously tugging on the bottom of his shirt. It had been a hell of a week, convincing Yoongi and Jin to keep his condition a secret from the others. "For now." Jin had warned. 'Now' implied until the appointment. Once they met with the doctor and diagnosed what was wrong with Jimin, Jin was going to make him tell everyone. Ugh. The heavy feeling of dread began pooling in the pit of his stomach again and he let out a slow breath. What was going to happen to him? How would Bang PD react when he found out? Would he kick Jimin out of the team? No no no. What about his friends? How would Taehyung react? Thinking of his beautiful best friend, his stomach lurched and the nausea kicked in. _Uh oh_.

 

Despite his threats of unveiling his deep, dark secret, Jin had been an absolute saviour. Probably the only reason he hadn't collapsed just yet. He managed to get the Busan native out of dance practice while Yoongi covered for him with singing, notifying the managers that he was assisting him with vocals. Seokjin also secured the doctor's appointment. The doctor was the father of their young dongsaeng, Kim Yugyeom, so they could count on his discretion.

 

"Park Ji-Tae?" The receptionist called out. Jimin hopped out of the uncomfortable chair making sure the travel mask was secured around his face. Jin cocked an eyebrow at the fake name. "What? It couldn't hurt to be careful." He hissed, cheeks heating up in embarrassment. "You really miss Tae-yah, huh? Choosing his name.." Jin replied simply. God he was infuriating. _Of course_ he missed Taehyung. What kind of question was that?! Taehyung had been away for about a month, shooting for Hwarang with all those beautiful boys. The two of them had been together since debut and aside from little breaks here and there, this was the first time they had been apart from each other for so long. He didn't like it. He hated it. _Hated_ it. But acting had been Taehyung’s dream for as long as he could remember and this was an incredible opportunity. Plus... He was so so so happy. But Jimin missed him. So much.

"He'll be back in a few weeks." Jimin replied softly, it was more of a reassurance to himself than a response to Jin. Yes, his best friend would be back at the dorm soon. He would be back to sneaking into Jimin's bed the second the lights went out, climbing on top of him and promptly falling asleep. Jimin missed the weight of Taehyung pressing into his chest, the younger boy's octopus hold around him, drool that would inevitably stain one of his shirts or the loud snores if he drank alcohol before he passed out. Honestly, Jimin couldn't wait. He had taken to sleeping in Taehyung's bed which had stopped smelling like him weeks ago, only leaving the scent of Jimin behind.

 

Another wave of nausea crashed through him and he successfully managed to swallow the petals that had begun to make their way up his windpipe.

 

"Jimin-ah?" Jin had risen and was waiting for Jimin to follow him into the doctor's office. "Coming. Sorry hyung."

 

Dr. Kim was lovely, and Yugyeom was a spitting image of his father. They both had the same big, kind eyes, wide, soft smile and exuded a sense of comfort. "So, Jimin-ssi, Seokjin-ah gave me a short synopsis of your problem when we spoke on the phone. Before I proceed, I would like to know, have either of you taken to the internet to search what this condition might be?"

 

"None of us have had access to the internet for the last month. There was a cyber security threat targeting all the big companies, and we were asked to stay offline." Dr. Kim nodded, doubtless Yugyeom must've complained to his father about the situation before coming to his office to steal his WiFi. "Alright. Well then, I'd like to do some more preliminary tests. However, based on solely the information conveyed by Mr. Kim on the phone, I believe you Mr. Park are suffering from Hanahaki's disease."

 

 

~~~

 

 

Jimin buried his face into Taehyung's pillow, searching desperately for that familiar scent of strawberry shampoo but all he got was Shea butter and almonds, his own crappy shampoo. Lame. An involuntary sniffle escaped his lips as he snuggled closer to the fluffy pillow. The doctor's appointment had been... Enlightening. Jimin was in love, apparently. Lol. Hanahaki's disease, the doctor had called it aka., an illness where unrequited love kills you. Alright, the doctor had put it more eloquently, but fuck that.  

 

Hanahaki's disease had gained infamy over the last thirty years or so. Thousands invested in the study of this strange illness. As a result even though the number of known cases was low when compared to the other big diseases, there were doctors who chose specialised in this field. Dr. Kim, after promising Jimin all the confidentiality in the world, set up an appointment with a leading Hanahaki's expert from Japan. The doctor would come the following week and until then Jimin would have to deal with his predicament.

 

He could hear the faint gasps of shock from the living room. Jin and Yoongi must have broken the news to the rest of the boys. Jin, always the angel had promised to be the one to speak to all the concerned parties. Jimin personally couldn't bear the idea of having a disease so... Embarrassing. Getting love sick? Oof. Who on earth was he supposed to be in love with?!

 

He couldn't fall in love. Not for real! In this business you sang about love, you wrote about love, you danced about love and you acted in love but you did not under _any_ circumstances fall _in_ love. It was simply not allowed. Their fans spent so much time and effort on them, constantly campaigning and supporting them, catapulting them to the success they now enjoyed. Some would be understanding, but he knew many of them saw him as theirs. Theirs to love. It would break their hearts. He shuddered remembering how Exo's fans reacted when they found out two of the members were in relationships with other idols. It was a little crazy, true... But, well he signed up for this. He worked extremely hard to get here. He _wanted_ their love, even if it was a tad delusional.

 

Seriously, who was he "in love" with? He didn't have time to fall in love with anyone. The only people he saw on a daily basis aside from his members was management and he certainly wasn't in love with anyone there, that was for sure.

 

"Go away!" He yelled, his voice muffled into the pillow when somebody knocked at the door.

 

"Jimin-ah, please come eat dinner with us." Jin called back.

 

"I'm not hungry, hyung." He couldn't face the others. Not today.

 

"Jimin-ah, I know you're scared but you need to let us try and be there for you." When Jin didn't receive a reply from his bratty dongsaeng he yelled, "Fine. I'm calling Taehyung then."

 

Sure enough, seconds later he could hear rapid scurrying sounds before Jimin pulled the bedroom door open, eyes wide with panic and chipmunk cheeks flushed with excursion.

 

"You promised!" He cried. Jin smirked, rather evilly. "I remember doing no such thing."

 

Then for a second the façade dropped and he looked at Jimin with the unabashed concern he showered all the younger boys with. "Are you feeling any better Jimin-ah? Are you sure you don't want to tell Tae-yah? You know he'd drop everything and come running if he knew-"

 

"That's exactly why we can't say anything, hyung! He's so happy there, so content. He's busy too. He doesn't need to be worrying about me. He'll be back soon enough and we'll tell him then." Jin opened his mouth to argue but decided against it.

 

"He's going to kill us all when he comes back, you know that right?"

 

Jimin grinned, probably for the first time that day, "Good, you can join me in the afterlife then."

 

A loud whack followed by a whine echoed through the dormitory.

 

 

~~~

 

 

"I don't understand, Renjo-Seonsaengnim. I'm not even in love with anyone!"

 

Dr. Kintaro Renjo, the Hanahaki specialist that had been flown down from Japan sat in front of Jimin and listened to the boy patiently as he spoke (read: cried) to him in a mix of Korean and simple Japanese. Jimin had never been more grateful for having such an extensive fan base in Japan that had forced them all to learn the basics of the language.

 

Dr. Renjo smiled at him kindly, nodding his head in understanding as Jimin stammered through his rant, his voice cracking over the words. God, even speaking hurt now. With every passing day, he got steadily worse. The flower petals had long since evolved into fully bloomed flowers, lilies, tulips, carnations, orchids to name a few. The worst by far was the rose, the most dreaded, because the rose was different. The rose was the only flower that came with a stem, a stem adorned with thorns. Thankfully he had gone through that experience only twice. Twice too many if you asked him. The blood stained flower had resulted in the loss of his ability to speak for two days and Hoseok fainting on their dorm floor. The baby.

 

"There is still a lot we don't understand about this disease. So much that is still shrouded in darkness. This illness walks on the fine line between science and fantasy, and that is the reason why it has dumbfounded all who come across it, as victims or researchers. A large part of our research has gone into treatment instead of cause. So while I cannot answer why or how this has happened, I can promise I can help. By the broadest of definitions, your heart pines for someone, someone who cannot be yours. Who perhaps does not return your love. This yearning has triggered this mystifying, biological reaction-"

 

"But I'm not in love with anyone! I can't be. How can my heart ache for someone and I not be aware of who?! That's impossible!" Jimin was always the most polite boy in the room. Always the most put together. This was not the case in front of the kind Japanese doctor.

 

The kind doctor who was currently chuckling at him. "Tell me about when these symptoms started. Do you remember the first time this happened?" How could he forget?

 

"Um, it was at a concert in Hong Kong, our last until our comeback in October. My best friend and I were playing around with some toy and I just felt sick all of a sudden. Like I was going to hurl. I dropped to the floor away from prying eyes and coughed up the first petal."

 

The doctor let out a 'hmm' of acknowledgement, noting the information down. "Did anything stressful happen during that time? Something that might have triggered this illness? Something scary or something that you were dreading?"

 

Jimin thought back to the concert, wow was it only a month and a half ago? Felt like five million years. "Mhmm. No, I was actually excited... Waiting for our season to end. I was going to go home to Busan for a few days..."

 

"So nothing sad had happened during that time?"

 

"Well, nothing major. My best friend left for a few months. He's shooting a drama so he's away for a little bit. Nothing exciting though." The doctor's eyebrow raised at this.

 

"I see. Tell me about you best friend."

 

Jimin's eyes widened. Talk about Taehyung? Why? He seldom needed an excuse to boast about his bestie though. "Um we've been friends since before debut. He's wonderful, kind and beautiful. He's rather strange, well that's why I like him actually. He's so different, unique. There's no one like Taehyung. They used to call him the '4D alien' because no one had seen anything like him before." He paused to chuckle. "Tae-yah hated that name though. So I made everyone stop. His eyes always shine, they're this beautiful chocolate brown but when he's sad… His eyes... I don't know how to explain it. I can't bear it. So I made everyone stop. He's so talented, sings and dances really well. He writes too. Beautifully. Won't let anyone see his work though. Except me..." Jimin's voice trailed off, self-consciously. The doctor's kind, placid eyes made him feel all sorts of abashed. "You're his exception." Dr. Renjo provided simply. There was nothing to his words, no malice, no innuendo and it immediately made Jimin feel better.

 

He nodded, smiling while thinking of his best friend with that dopey boxy grin. "And he's mine." Jimin fiddled with the bracelet around his wrist. It was what Taehyung called a 'distance' bracelet. A present he bought for him when Jimin left to go home to Busan a few years ago. Jimin was supposed to wear it only when they were apart. "It'll help you miss me more, Jiminnie!" Taehyung had declared slipping the black beaded band around his wrist. Jimin smiled at the memory.

 

"Jimin." Dr. Renjo said gently, addressing him by his name for the first time. "You really can't think of anyone, _anyone_ your heart might be pining for?"

 

He shook his head, the frustration due to his lack of answers building up dramatically.

 

The doctor eyed him carefully. As if he was trying to make up his mind about something. "With my thirty odd years of experience with Hanahaki, Jimin, I can tell you this with certainty, the love that the patient feels for somebody, is _pure_. It is pure and unadulterated. The closest I've ever seen to true love. Soulmate love. It is unconditional, it is powerful and it is all encompassing. Is there nobody in your life that you feel that way about?"

 

With his plump lower lip tucked between his teeth, Jimin shook his head sadly. God, how was this even happening? How did everything go _so_ wrong for him?

 

He "loved" someone enough to make him sick, enough to nearly kill him, he hurt because that person didn't love him back... This jeopardized _everything_ they worked for. The least he could do was know who was responsible for this hell. Know who brought him to his knees.

 

"How can I not know?"

 

He sounded so helpless, Dr. Renjo leaned forward and patted his shoulder comfortingly. "I believe you know who it is Jimin. Somewhere deep down, you know who this person is. I want you to go home today and put all of this stuff aside. Forget about your work, your fans, social obligations. Completely clear your mind and think about that person you're most afraid to lose, the one person you can't see a future without, the one person who means just a little more than everyone else."

 

"B-But that's all my family and my members. There's nobody else."

 

Dr. Renjo smiled sadly at him, and nodded. "Be brave and be honest with yourself Jimin. Open your heart and you will know who it is."

 

 

~~~

 

 

"Open your heart and you will know who it is." Jimin muttered, pulling Taehyung's quilt around his curled up body. "What a load of nonsense. That doesn't even mean anything."

 

Well. It didn't hurt to try.

 

He let go of the pillow and rolled onto his back. Taehyung had covered ceiling above his bed with glow-in-the-dark stick-on stars. He always did have the knack of making the most mundane things beautiful.

 

Suddenly Jimin missed his best friend. Not to say he had stopped since the other had left six weeks ago, but the actual pain of his departure hit him in random waves. He would be fine, eating his soggy cereal or watching TV when suddenly he would be struck with a pang of longing, that would of course instigate a nice little flower attack. Gross. What was worse? Jin had taken to making flower-crowns, garlands and other household decor! With the flowers that he threw up!! Um GROSS! "But they're exquisite, Jimin-ah. I can't just throw them out!!" _Yes. Yes you can._

 

Before he could stop himself, he was calling Taehyung. Jimin watched Taehyung's contact picture lighting up the screen, the light too bright momentarily blinding him. He tore his gaze away from shining chocolate brown eyes and boxy smiles to the time on the top right corner of the screen. Little past two a.m. Good grief. Just because he was put on hiatus needn't mean Taehyung was too. Poor boy was probably fast asleep. Feeling a twinge of guilt, he quickly cut the call.

 

Jimin dropped his phone onto his chest and stared back up at the ceiling. Coloured stars from looking at the bright screen too long danced before his eyes, joining the glow-in-the-dark stickers.

 

Taehyung was probably fast asleep right now. He hated sleeping alone so maybe he was snuggled up next to one of those Hwarang boys. Ugh. The corner of his mouth curled with distaste. Jimin didn't curl up with anyone while Taehyung was away, it didn't seem fair that the other boy did. No.. That wasn't it. He just didn't like the idea that Taehyung found a sense of calm and solace in somebody else's arms. A little whine escaped his lips without permission. He had seen some of those boys... How could he come close in comparison? All of them were so tall and strong and broad, while he was the shortest in their group. 1 centimeter shorter than even Yoongi hyung! And hyung was _tiny_. Not that Jimin could ever say that out loud and live to tell the tale.

 

The whirring of the android on his chest put a stop to his train of thoughts, which was heading in a pretty weird direction... He glanced at the bright screen, once again blinding himself momentarily. That was quickly forgotten when he saw, "TaeTae♡" along with his best friend's face flashing across the screen.  

 

Jimin scrambled into a sitting position and answered the phone, Taehyung's voice ringing loudly in his ear. Trust his Tae to have the same level of energy at ass o'clock in the morning that he did at any other time of day. "~~~~Jiminnieeeeee."

 

Jimin felt his heart burst with affection as he fell back onto the mattress. He had been avoiding Taehyung for the last couple of days, and it had been torture. The other members couldn't understand why he didn't want Taehyung, who knew all his secrets to know. Truthfully, he didn't know why either. There was just some part of him that couldn't bear the thought of Taehyung knowing he was suffering from the stupidest disease known to man. Throwing up flowers cause he was enamoured by some random person. Sheesh kebab.

 

"Hi Tae." He said softly, his throat instantly showing its displeasure by hurting. God, he was so screwed. If talking was so troublesome, how was he going to sing?!

 

"Somebody's been avoiding me, Jimbles."

 

God, Taehyung was so good at being a puppy, Jimin could practically hear him pouting through his accusation.

 

Before Jimin could reply Taehyung said, "But I missed you too much. So I will be mad at you later, tell me everything. What's been up? It's so awesome here, Jiminnie. All the hyungs are so cool and strong and we sometimes go out for drinks after shooting and it's just... Really nice. Everyone is so nice here. It's everything I've ever dreamed of... But sleeping is difficult without..." His voice trailed off. The 'you' remained unspoken, but it was louder than even Namjoon hyung's snores.

 

"I'm sorry."

 

"You should be! It's been six days jiminnie! What's going on?!" _Six days_? Okay that was a record for them. "I'm sorry... I've just been dealing with something... I'm sorry, TaeTae." His voice cracked.

 

After a beat of silence Taehyung spoke up, "How long have you been sick?" His voice was quiet and serious. Jimin _rarely_ heard Taehyung's serious voice, it was kinda hot. Wait what?!

 

"Um."

 

"Jimin."

 

"A little while. Look it's nothing serious, don't worry I-" his voice cracked again from the exertion. The raw irritation in his throat was back with full force, and it made it hard to breathe. Why did he think talking to Taehyung at this earthly hour was a good idea in the first place? He gasped for air. Even breathing became a luxury when it got like this.

 

"Jimin?! Jiminnie? Are okay?" His best friend's deep voice was rough as he demanded for answers.

 

He took a deep breath through his mouth, and released a shaky puff of air, before answering. His throat was stinging now. Painfully. Flashes of his conversation with Dr. Renjo came back to him. _Surgery_ , _Fatal, Difficult choice_.

 

"I'm okay." Although spoken confidently, his voice betrayed him.

 

"I'm sorry I yelled, Jimin-ah. Please be okay. I'll stay on the line, go get some water." He wanted to protest, but honestly he had neither the strength nor the conviction.

 

He leaned over the banister of the bunk precariously and reached for the bottle of water on the dresser next to his bed, the bunk below. "Got it." He whispered, rolling back onto Taehyung's mattress.

 

"Good Jiminnie. Take a big sip and swallow slowly. Look up at the ceiling and swallow. Slowly." Had Jimin's mouth not been full at the moment, obeying his best friend's instructions, he would have made an inappropriate comment about swallowing. "Don't you even think about making a 'that's what she said' joke, Jiminnie." Taehyung warned, as if he heard his thoughts. Jimin pouted at the ceiling. How did Taehyung always _know_? A pang of pain hit him for the eighteenth time that day. He _really_ missed him. Terribly.

 

"Taetae?"

 

"Yes, baby?" This wasn't the first time Taehyung had called him that, not by a long shot, but given how vulnerable Jimin was feeling right now, it affected him. He let out a soft whimper and curled up at the way Taehyung cooed at him.

 

"Talk to me."

 

Taehyung chuckled, "I am, Jiminnie."

 

"Noooo. Talk to me. Tell me about your day. Tell me everything." His voice got smaller and Taehyung cooed again.

 

"I think my Jiminnie is feeling sleepy. Want me to read something to you instead, baby?" Another whimper escaped his lips. Taehyung laughed softly, the timbers of his voice reverberating through Jimin's heart. "Yes pwease."

 

"Alright baby. Are you all tucked in?" Jimin nodded forgetting Taehyung couldn't see him. "Yes."

 

"Good boy. Close your eyes okay? TaeTae is going to read you your favorite story."

 

"Peter Pan?"

 

"Peter Pan." Taehyung affirmed.

 

"The Disney version?"

 

"The Disney version. Gimme a second, Minnie, let me pull the book up on my iPad."

 

"Okay." Jimin mumbled, his voice muffled into Taehyung's pillow.

 

He closed his eyes and waited for Taehyung to start reading.

 

This was why Taehyung was closer to his heart than anyone else in the world. In some ways, even his family. Jimin was known as the one who took care of everyone, comforted them. Taehyung was his biggest baby of all... But a lesser known aspect their relationship was how well Taehyung took care of him. They leaned on each other unabashedly in public, always attached if possible. Always together.

 

But sometimes jimin took training too far. Sometimes he took his dieting too far. Sometimes he pushed himself too hard. That's when Taehyung would bring him down back to earth. He always seemed to _know_ when Jimin was ready to break. When to rescue Jimin from himself.  

 

Jimin couldn't remember how exactly this little tradition of theirs started, but whenever it got too much for him, Taehyung would read him to sleep. Treat him like a younger sibling or sometimes even a baby. At first Jimin felt extremely embarrassed and conscious, but he slowly got over it. He enjoyed being petted and cared for. He enjoyed the attention Taehyung doused him with. He enjoyed being vulnerable, and exposed and so protected. Of course, he also enjoyed being the protector, so Taehyung taking the reins were a rarity... But his best friend was always ready when Jimin needed to succumb. When Jimin wanted to be the little spoon.

 

Taehyung's deep voice washed over him, giving him goosebumps as he pulled him out of his thoughts. "We'll talk tomorrow, okay Jimbles? I miss you. Sleep well my pet, dream wonderful dreams."

 

"Night TaeTae. Ahwuvoo." His voice came out soft and jumbled, he was so so sleepy. Taehyung chuckled, understanding the sentiment. "You too, pretty. Close your eyes now. Taetae will read to you."

 

"Otay." He murmured, the waves of sleep he had been evading for so long were slowly washing over him, threatening to pull him in. He struggled to stay awake, he wanted to hear Tae!!

 

"All this has happened before, all this will happen again. But this time it happened to Wendy, John and Michael Darling..."

 

Jimin was asleep before Taehyung turned the page.

 

 

~~~

 

 

Jimin didn't speak to Taehyung for the next couple of days. The morning after he spoke to him, he had been in the kitchen nibbling on his breakfast (soggy oats. Yum.) and scrolling through his Instagram feed. All was fine and dandy until he saw a picture posted by one of the Hwarang actors, where Taehyung was tagged. They were all sitting together in some shrine looking place, with Taehyung draped across the lap of Do Jihan. Ignoring the rumble of discontent he felt stab him, he clicked on Do Jihan's name. Taehyung had a particularly soft spot for him, he knew. Calling him his favourite hyung of the lot.

 

Now Jimin knew where he stood with Taehyung. Taehyung was far from shy when it came to declaring his undying love for him. He was number one, numero uno, his favorite friend. He _knew_ this. But there was something in the way Taehyung looked up at Jihan, his eyes shining with awe, the way he used to look at Jimin, it hurt. It was silly and intangible and it hurt. And suddenly the pain wasn't intangible. The all too familiar feeling of a flower rising his throat hit him. He fell forward over the kitchen table, his body incapacitated as a particular big flower made the ascent to his mouth. He gasped for air, the feeling of suffocation, the inability to breathe pressing down on his chest painfully. Jimin cried out at the lack of oxygen and terrifying panic drowned him slowly. The world began spinning and suddenly he was being picked up, a strong pair of arms wrapped around his stomach and his saviour began to perform some sort of amateur Heimlich maneuver on him. It worked. With seconds he was throwing up not one, not two but six flowers. Three lilies, a carnation and two tulips. A record.

 

He fell forward, his body going limp the strong person behind him holding him up. "Jiminnie hyung?" Jungkook's voice rang above him, his voice laced with concern and fear but Jimin couldn't bring himself to answer.

 

He didn't speak for three days.

 

He kept Taehyung at bay by texting him, saying that it hurt to talk but they could always message each other. He also put off his snapchat, unable to stand how sickly and disgusting he looked in his front camera. No way he'd send Taehyung any pictures. Not that the word 'no' did much to hinder his best friend from asking. Repeatedly.

 

Today, Dr. Renjo, who was still in town on Bang PD's insistence, paid a visit to him at the dorm. Fortunately while everyone was out. He had been missing their schedules for two weeks now. Thankfully, ARMY didn't seem to question the 'conjunctivitis' story the company had released to the press. A rather 'serious' case, which required Jimin to be in isolation lest he infect someone else. He had to admit, his management team was pretty efficient. They had bought him quite a bit of time to sort this whole mess out.

 

"Have you had any luck discovering who you're in love with, Jimin-ssi?"  
 

"No uh, not really. I honestly don't have a clue."

 

The doctor let out a hum. "Well that's a shame. Have you given any thought to the alternate options I mentioned?"

 

"You mean the surgery..."

 

The doctor nodded. "It's one of only two options, Jimin-ssi." Option one - surgery. Option two - his love is reciprocated. And the unspoken option three - do nothing, and die of suffocation. Lungs were made for breathing and were not a greenhouse. It would only get worse.

 

Jimin sighed. He had thought about the surgery over the last few days, poured over the literature that doctor had given him, did as much research as he could studying about this terrible subject.

 

From what he understood of the fancy, complicated Japanese (Namjoon had decoded for him) was that the only way for this stupid disease to leave his ass consequence-free was if whoever this mystery love interest was would just love him back. That wasn't so hard, was it? He was cute? Right? Maybe not beautiful like Jin hyung or Taehyung, or cute like Hoseok hyung or Taehyung or all swaggy and cool like Namjoon hyung, Yoongi hyung and Taehyung or have strong vocals like Jungkook or Taehyung... But he was okay? Maybe not number one, but...

 

The surgery was a scary thought. There was no other way to fix this problem. Well, aside from tracking down his significant other and absolutely seducing the shit out of them. Probably throw in a couple of body rolls and do that lip bite thing that always drove ARMY crazy. Yeah, that could work. Definitely. Buuuuuut then again. ARMY would definitely not be okay with him seeing anyone. He didn't even _want_ to see anyone. Ugh. This was so unnecessary. Love, meh.

 

The surgery, option one and the only viable option, also had a couple of consequences that gave Jimin nightmares. In essence when the petals/other foliage were extracted from the lungs, all feelings for this person would disappear as well. The flowers were the physical embodiment his feelings for his other half and not having them reciprocated was _literally_ killing him. Jeezus. If Shakespeare was still around, he'd have a field day.

 

The truth was, the feelings disappearing was the most ideal outcome. There were scarier side-effects, scarier consequences that Jimin was too terrified to even think about starting with the loss of the ability to love at all and ending with permanent damage to his vocal chords, and of course death. There was always that chance with a surgery as risky as this. Dr. Renjo had also said there would be a chance of completely forgetting this other person, all memories would be wiped out. Since Jimin didn't even know who this person was, that part didn't bother him so much. He didn't even have any memories to begin with. It was _everything_ else that made this something he needed to think through carefully, and of course tell his family and Taehyung. The truth was, he didnt really have a choice. There was only one way to proceed. Surgery. Surgery or die. He hadn't even reached his 21st birthday yet. He didn't want to die.

 

 

~~~

 

 

"Why don't you list out all the people you love, Jimin-ssi?" The doctor, the epitome of placidity got away with saying the most ludicrous things.

 

"Uh..."

 

"Any kind of love. Mother, father, friends, etc."

 

"Well I love my eomma, Appa, my younger brother, members-"

 

"Think about them, and list them out individually, Jimin-ssi. These are people who matter to you a great deal, right? think about them, what they mean to you, why know you love them. Try again."

 

Jimin sighed and nodded. At least it was getting easier to talk. Maybe he could call Taehyung tonight...

 

"People that I love, and why umm I love my eomma and appa, they've always supported me. Been there for me. They're my parents, I don't know. I love them. My little brother too. He hates the camera, hates the attention, but he loves me. He's very insecure. When I talk to him, I want to overcome my own failings and insecurities so that I can show him it's possible. Someone wonderful like him can achieve anything he wants. Um and I love grandparents too, a lot. My other family, I guess I love them because you're 'supposed' to, I guess I do. I don't know, I just always assume I did?" He paused as he thought about that. There was so much he just assumed.

 

"Tell me about your friends now, friends that you love."

 

The apples of Jimin's cheeks went a rosy pink. "They'll kick me if they hear me talking in such a way. But I do love them. This life that I'm leading, nobody understands it better than them. The anxiety, stress, dread, joy, pain, sweat, tears, happiness, sacrifice and a million other things we've faced together. We've been to hell and back together, and now that we're reaching the success we worked so hard for... It's... I love them a lot. Hoseok hyung is this ray of sunshine. He calls himself our 'Hope' and he's right. He plays this role of Mr. Sunny regardless of how he's actually feeling because he knows it makes us feel better, it comforts us. Yoongi hyung is grumpy but I'm his favourite dongsaeng. He'll deny it, but I am." He paused and giggled into his hand. "He spoils me a lot and there's nothing he loves more than Bangtan. Oh sorry I'm rambling..."

 

"No, don't apologize. Tell me. Tell me about all of them."

 

"Okay um. Next is Namjoon hyung. He's our leader. He's a genius, like for real. A high IQ, topped in the nation's top 1% and everything. He's so philosophical though. Sometimes when he talks to me, it all sounds nice and pretty but when he stops I realize I haven't retained anything he said." He chuckled into his hands again, his cheekbones pushing his eyes up into two twinkling crescents. The doctor laughed along, gesturing for Jimin to continue. "He has this cute dimple that makes everything better. Sometimes when he's talking about the role of the 'horizon' in Korean literature, I poke it. He doesn't care for it. 'Yah! Jimin-ah!' He always yells, but does nothing else. He's also a walking disaster. Everything around him breaks. Our very own rapping calamity. I love him a lot. Uh next is Jin hyung. He's the oldest of us. Jin hyung being our 'mom' was a concept we did a little while ago. He got really sick of it. So we stopped, ARMY stopped too. But then he started missing it. So now he's back to being our eomma, we just have to pretend like he's not. Hyung is strange, but he loves us a lot and we love him right back. That's the hyung line. I'm the oldest of the maknaes, then there's Taehyung and Jeongguk. Jeongguk is the same age as my little brother. Same height too." He rambled through the little rant, noting the members on his fingers. Dr. Renjo was impressed Jimin was able to get that all out without pausing to breathe, he was sounding a bit better too. Throwing up multiple flowers at the same time was definitely a cause for concern. Six flowers? That was extremely dangerous. He didn't want to tell the boy, but he was exceedingly lucky that all he walked away with was a sore throat and the inability to speak for a few days.

 

The doctor didn't miss the way the younger boy muttered the last line. A bit sensitive about his height, he noted. Jimin, who was staring at the floor didn't see the older man's eyes shining with amusement.

 

"Jungkook is our baby." Jimin continued. "I smother him a lot, baby him because he reminds me of Jihyun. Both of them are shy and talented, open up only around the people closest to them and they both have PhD's in making Park Jimin's life miserable." Dr. Renjo let out an uncharacteristically loud bark of laughter. Jimin looked up surprised. The doctor was abashed, but amusement was plainly painted across his face. "How do they do that?"

 

"They are both, pardon my language... Such little shits." It was nice to make such a serious sincere man laugh so much. Jimin felt proud. Everyone had been walking on eggshells around him lately, treating him like glass, talking in whispers and going silent when he walked into the room. He knew his hyungs meant nothing by it... But it hurt. It made him feel isolated and it really made Taehyung's absence palpable.

 

"You mentioned a Taehyung. Tell me about him."

 

"Oh he's my best friend. The one I mentioned in our first meeting?"

 

"Tell me about him."

 

"Uh not much else to say other than what I already did the other day. He's my best friend. We're a pair. Um I don't know. I love him a lot. Maybe the most, I don't know. I can't measure love but. The way I feel about him, I can't express it..."

 

"It's all-encompassing?" Dr. Renjo supplied helpfully.

 

Jimin nodded. "Yeah. Exactly. Like words aren't enough, you know? This would all be so much easier if he were here right now. He'd probably track that person down and yell at them to love me."

 

He laughed softly, the longing for his best friend made his throat compress uncomfortably. He gulped and looked away from the doctor's observant gaze. "You mentioned he was away for a little while. What does he have to say about your condition?"

 

Jimin's face went pink with embarrassment. "Oh I uh didn't tell him yet."

 

"Oh?"

 

Damn the doctor and his ability to make jimin feel like a scolded child, even when he didn't do anything wrong. "Taehyung.. I don't want him to know. I don't know why. But I don't."

 

"Would he come, if he knew?"

 

"I think so, maybe. My members think he'd drop everything and come home. But that wouldn't be fair. Not when everything is going so perfectly for him."

 

"But you want him here?"

 

"Desperately."

 

 

~~~

 

 

It was a tough night for Jimin. He tossed and turned, curled up and then stretched out, he tried everything he could think of, but he couldn't find a comfortable position. His throat still hurt, badly and he was really starting to get homesick. He hadn't been homesick in a long time. For years now 'home' had been their dormitory. But now he yearned for his mother's hugs, his father's pats on the back, his brother's noogies (rude!). He yearned for the house by the beach, close enough to hear the crashing waves and the swing in his backyard. His grandmother’s kimchi fried rice and homemade chicken soup. He wanted something else too. Deep voice and honey brown hair, he wanted Taehyung with him. Wanted to take him to the beach and write their names in the sand, he wanted to stare out at the endless blue with him, never having to explain why watching the crashing waves and horizon meant so much to him. Why it wasn't the ocean breeze that made his eyes misty but the joy of seeing something so exquisite, so powerful, so unpredictable in front of him.

 

A small whimper escaped from between his lips, as he held Taehyung's pillow closer to his chest. He missed his best friend so much. Maybe when he got back from shooting they could go to Busan for the weekend? Take the train or maybe even drive down.

 

He closed his eyes, and tried to breathe through the pain his raw throat constantly inflicted on him. He counted back from a hundred waiting for sleep to envelope him.

 

 

~~~

 

 

Immersed in a restless dream, Jimin hit and kicked when he felt a pair of strong arms envelope him. "Uhhnnn." He whined, hitting a wall.. No a chest. Wow, broad. "Ssshhhh. Sorry baby, sleep." A voice cooed in the distance, and the scent of strawberries engulfed him.

 

That only meant one thing. His eyes shot open before he actually woke up fully, pulling the figure close to him forcefully. The boy chuckled and patted his shoulder, "I'm here, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere baby boy." He didn't believe it, mind still foggy from his dreams, was this a dream (?), he wrapped his arms around the other. "You're here." He gasped out, burying his face into the warm neck. "Yep. In the flesh!"

 

Jimin didn't respond, wiggling closer to the boy, feeling better than he had in a long time. Feeling loved and soothed, he curled up against the taller boy. If this was a dream, he certainly didn't want to wake up.

 

 

~~~

 

 

When Jimin woke up the next morning, he was alone in bed. He couldn't help the sinking feeling that hit him right in the guts. So it was a dream, Taehyung hadn't come in the middle of the night. "Silly boy." He muttered, ruffling his hair. Of course he didn't come, he was hundreds of miles away surrounded by beautiful sceneries and even more beautiful boys. Why would he want to come home even if he was free?

 

Stop, don't be petty. You want him to be happy, he scolded himself. Right, _of course_ he did.  

 

Still he wasn't quite able to get rid of the pout.

 

Jimin quickly scurried off the bed, grabbing his towel, ready to head for the shower. However once he opened the bedroom door he was greeted by the sound of shouting. Taehyung shouting.

 

Taehyung. Taehyung!!! TAEHYUNG!

 

Jimin was about to run out to the hall when his best friend's angry voice stopped him.

 

"How could you not tell me Jin hyung? How could all of you keep silent? When you know how sick he is! How sick he has been for so long!! How could you keep me in the dark like that? Were you just never going to tell me? Huh? You know how important he is to me! He's my best friend for fuck sake"

 

Jimin gasped. Did he know? Oh god. Oh god. He didn't want to face him if he _knew_. It was irrational, of course it was but Jimin didn't want Taehyung to think he was in love with some random ass person. That he was so in love, that he was sick. Ugh. Lame. Love sick over some random stranger who was now killing him.

 

"Taehyung-ah. Look I know you're upset-" Taehyung scoffed. "But Jimin begged us not to say anything to you. He didn't want you worrying about him, while you were working." Jin's voice was the epitome of calm in comparison to Taehyung's loud, angry one.

 

"Not worry about him? I've done little else in the last couple of weeks. First, he stopped answering my calls and then when he did speak to me, he sounded sicker than I've ever heard him. Then he stopped answering my calls again. And you, all of you lied to me! You said it was a sore throat!! I saw him last night, all snuggled up in my bed, so small... thinner and paler than I've seen him... God, my poor Jiminnie.  How did he even get so sick?"

 

Jimin felt like his heart was going to burst. Even though he was terrified Taehyung was going to kill him for putting him through so much hell, he couldn't stay hidden any longer. Not when he just heard the way Taehyung fought for him. Jimin had never felt more loved by him before. Okay that wasn't entirely true. Taehyung constantly made him feel very loved, but that was before he left...

 

Unable to keep the distance between them he ran into the living room, tackling a very fuming Taehyung in a ginormous hug. The taller boy stumbled for second, seemingly surprised by the sixty five kilograms that came barreling at him, but he soon caught his footing and picked Jimin up. The shorter boy wrapped his legs around Taehyung's waist, hugging him tightly.

 

The others in the room were quickly forgotten as Taehyung yelled at Jimin , his scoldings disappearing at the base of the other boy's neck.

 

"I'm sorry Taetae." Jimin sniffled, his legs tightening around Taehyung's waist, as if afraid to let go.

 

"You really should be, Jimin-ah. Why did you think it was a good idea to hide this from me?"  Taehyung asked, pulling away far enough to look at jimin. Feeling appropriately rebuked, jimin tried to duck away and avoid Taehyung's piercing gaze. "I-" he mumbled.

 

"Yes?"

 

"I... I was scared. It's bad Tae-yah. I didn't want you to worry..  I wanted to fix it first. Y-You were so happy, I-I didn't want to interfere-"

 

"Huh?" Taehyung looked genuinely perplexed at him. His eyes filled with confusion. "Happy? Jimin... I was miserable. You weren't picking up my calls, everybody was being vague. You sounded terrible when we spoke. I thought you had a cold and fever... That's what Jin hyung told me. Then suddenly I find out you're being pulled off all the schedules and some lame excuse had been given to ARMY... When I saw that, I told the producers I needed to fly home for a few days."

 

"You came just for me?"

 

"Of course I did, you silly goose! You're my best friend Jiminnie. Even though I'm so mad at you right now. Gah." He pressed his face back into the curve of Jimin's neck. "So mad." Muffled outrage. Jimin tried not to laugh. He also tried not to cry. Taehyung had come all the way, just for him. Left those yummy boys, just for him. Left the shoot, just for him. Then the guilt crept in. Taehyung had been so excited about this drama... Leaving it for him... "I'm sorry you left because of me TaeTae. You won't get into trouble, will you?"

 

Taehyung didn't respond, pulling away again far enough to see above Jimin's shoulder, so that he could walk them back to their room, Jimin's legs still wrapped securely around his waist.

 

"Nah. They don't need me for the next few days anyway. I finished my scenes for the second and third episode, now they're doing the prep work for the first one, the one I'm not in. I was just kind of hanging around, studying my lines, getting used to the set, etc... But I would have come even if I was busy too. You know that right?"

 

"Yeah." Jimin said pouting.

 

"Jiminnie pabooo. I can't believe how silly you are, convincing the hyungs to lie to me. If you're sick, you're sick and I'm going to be there. Whether you like it or not."

 

"B-but-"

 

"No buts." Taehyung said firmly, opening the bedroom door. Hoseok was long gone, so it was just them. "Just think if the roles were reversed Jiminnie? How would you feel if I did this to you?"

 

Taehyung set him down on his bed on the lower bunk and knelt in front of him on the ground. Jimin's eyes brimmed with tears. Before this stupid illness, he had never been so emotional. He'd cry, sure. Of course he did... But not like this. Not so often. Dr. Renjo had said the medication he was on were a little strong, and would mess with his hormones a little bit.

 

"Minnie? Oh god please don't cry. I didn't mean to make you cry. I just wanted you to understand how scared I was. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Taehyung cried, cupping his cheek and catching the stray tears with his thumb. Jimin nuzzled into his palm, as Taehyung tenderly brushed them away, his heart thudding in his throat.

 

"I-I'm sorry." He hiccupped. "I'm sorry I worried you. It's bad T-Tae. I'm not just sick. I'm really sick." Taehyung's eyes widened. "What do you mean?" He asked slowly, cautiously.

 

Jimin signed and rubbed at his eyes with his fist. "Can we lie down? I'll tell you everything."

 

Tucked into his side, Jimin slowly told him everything. He stared at the ceiling of his bunk, the wood was covered with pictures, polaroids and fairy lights Jin set up for him. He couldn't bear to look at Taehyung as he explained what Hanahaki's disease was, and his experience with it. Taehyung didn't interrupt him once, letting him stumble through the explanation at his own pace. When Jimin was finally done he dared to look up at his best friend.

 

Taehyung's face was blank. He wasn't looking down at Jimin, instead he too was staring up at the wooden ceiling. "Tae I-"

 

"I need a minute, Jimin."

 

His voice was serious. Serious and blank and Jimin immediately found himself withdrawing. "Okay, uh yeah. I'll go."

 

 The arm around his waist tightened. "Don't you fucking dare."

 

Jimin cowered back into his arms, dropping his head on the broad chest in front of him. He nervously fiddled with the doodles on Taehyung's night shirt.

 

"I am so, so mad right now, Jiminnie. I'm so mad at you and I'm so mad at them for keeping this from me. I know why you thought you had to do it, being worried about me dropping everything and coming home. You were right, I would have.. You went through all that alone. For six weeks. I should have been here. With you. Not hundreds of miles away in Jeju shooting. I should have been _here_."

 

When Taehyung's voice cracked, something in Jimin snapped, he pulled out of his grasp and moved up, repositioning them so Taehyung was now the little spoon. "No no no. You're wrong. You need to be there, TaeTae. This is your dream come true. I wanted you to be there, I wanted you to be carefree. I didn't want you to worry. I also didn't want to tell you for selfish reasons. I don't know why yet myself. I just couldn't bear the thought of you knowing I was suffering from something so lame, so embarrassing."

 

Taehyung looked at him like he had grown a second head. "You were embarrassed about being sick? You were embarrassed to tell _me_?  Jiminnie, I'm your best friend! I know all your secrets! Even the ones you don't want me to know! Why is this of all things embarrassing!?" Jimin opened his mouth to ask what secrets of his Taehyung knew, but promptly shut it again. Ignorance is bliss.

 

"I just... How can I fall in love with someone and not even know it? And not just love Taetae, the doctor said it was 'pure' love. That my body was physically reacting to the rejection. I love someone so much that it may KILL me. I literally cannot think of a stupider reason to die!"

 

"No! It's not stupid at all. It's romantic! So romantic! Jimin-ah, can't you hear yourself? People search their whole lives for true love, and now there's somebody who has you to feel like that about them. Look, there has to be some sort of misunderstanding. It can't be unrequited love. No one in their right mind would intentionally reject you. It's scientifically impossible not to love you, Jimin-ah." Jimin's face exploded with red as it heated up under Taehyung's adoring gaze. "Science!" The younger boy declared throwing a fist in the air. Jimin couldn't help it, he laughed.

 

How did Taehyung make him laugh? At a time like this?

 

Taehyung threw his arm across Jimin's waist, snuggling closer to the boy. "What are we going to do Jiminnie?"

 

Jimin felt his heart swell with affection at the 'we'. This wasn't his problem anymore, it was theirs.

 

"I have to have the surgery. But... I'm scared TaeTae. I'm really scared. There's a million things that could go wrong and I... I'm so scared."

 

Taehyung wiggled closer to him, his index finger drawing senseless doodles across Jimin's chest. "We'll figure it out together, Jiminnie."

 

"Call me..." Jimin's voice trailed off, his cheeks lighting up with embarrassment. He had never asked before... Taehyung just knew when he needed that kind of attention. "Um."

 

Taehyung looked up at him, waggling his eyebrows suggestively, prompting Jimin to whack him on the shoulder with an indignant "Yah!"

 

Taehyung squealed and laughed, his loud laughter reverberating through Jimin's body beneath him. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I couldn't resist."

 

Jimin whined and tried to hide his face behind his small hands. Taehyung cooed at him and tried to pry his hands away. "Oh don't hide from me, _baby_." Jimin whined again, squirming, trying to free himself from the devil child who was so mercilessly teasing him.

 

"Okay I'll stop. I'll stop. Promise. I'm sorry, pretty." Taehyung said, seemingly genuine. The rascal could be deceptive though. But Jimin stopped squirming and trying to get away from him. Taehyung took advantage of his pliant stance and pounced on him, his knees on either side of Jimin's waist bracketing him in. He was still laughing softly, but his eyes were kind and soft. He looked so fondly at jimin, it made the smaller boy feel extremely exposed and vulnerable. "Hi baby." Taehyung whispered softly.

 

"Hi TaeTae." Jimin replied, a little shyly. He reached out and made grabby hands for the taller boy, who was only too happy to comply. Taehyung leaned down and let Jimin's arms engulf him. "Fuck, I really did miss you, Minnie." He said, his voice muffled by the pillow under Jimin's head. "Missed you too. Lots. Lots. I'm sowie I made TaeTae angwy." Taehyung nuzzled his nose into Jimin's neck. "I'm angry because I care, Jimin-ah. I give a shit. I didn't mean to yell though, I'm sorry. I just.. You're my best friend. My person. An extension of me. If something happened to y-you... I don't even... I... I'm sorry. I'm sorry. This must be terrifying enough for you, without me throwing my own silly feelings into the mix."

 

Jimin felt too overwhelmed to respond. He turned and dropped a kiss on the side of Taehyung's head. "I... Um do you wanna nap for a little? Or we could watch a movie maybe?"

 

"Anything you want. I'll get my iPad."

 

"Yay."

 

Taehyung laughed and kissed his cheek, "Cutie." He said before sliding off the boy. Jimin instantly missed the feeling of Taehyung's weight pressing him into the mattress. "Come back soon." He called, his throat protesting the exertion. Taehyung bustled out of the room, leaving Jimin alone with his thoughts.

 

For the first time in a long time, Jimin felt better. He felt like he was healing. He felt happy. Jin had told him he'd feel better after telling Taehyung and he was so relieved that his hyung was right.

 

When Taehyung returned a good fifteen minutes later with a sheepish smile plastered on his face and his iPad in his hand, Jimin had forgotten he was supposed to be "mad" the boy had kept him waiting for so long. Taehyung's boxy smile always did make him very forgetful.

 

"Sorry Jiminnie, I went to apologize to Jin hyung and he made me do the dishes with him as punishment." He sniffed, and slid back into the bottom bunk next to Jimin. "Sowie Taehyungie."

 

Taehyung chuckled, throwing an arm around Jimin's shoulder. He was about to prop the tablet on his knee when a loud rumble had them both jumping. Jimin's face went bright red when he realized the sound came from his tummy. He hadn't eaten breakfast! Or even brushed his teeth! Lord.

 

Taehyung laughed out loud, clutching his stomach with his free hand and he fell forward, his head hitting Jimin's lap. "Yah!" Jimin whined, his tiny hands shielding his embarrassed face.

 

 

~~~

 

 

Three days later Taehyung had to leave to go back to Jeju. Jimin pouted the entire night about not being allowed to drop him off at the airport and made his displeasure known by sulking and whimpering in Taehyung's ear for a whole hour, before the younger couldn't take it anymore and snuck him out for some ice cream at 2.30 a.m. "You know I am _younger_ than you." Taehyung had pointed out, as he bundled Jimin up in a fluffy shawl. Jimin had just waved him away, after all Taehyung loved to specify how jimin being 2 months older meant virtually nothing. Jimin was getting a serious case of cabin fever, being cooped up in the house all day, and now with Taehyung leaving the following day, he wanted to get as much time with him as possible. And if being a brat accomplished that, so be it!

 

Despite all his eye rolls, Taehyung had done nothing but indulge all Jimin's whims, waiting on him and hand foot for his entire stay so far. And his presence seemed to be helping. Jimin hadn't had a single flower incident since the other 95 liner had arrived. Something he was extremely grateful for. He didn't want Taehyung to see him like that. It was mortifying.

 

The lack of flowers didn't put Taehyung at ease though. After hearing about how Jungkook had to use the Heimlich maneuver on Jimin, who nearly passed out from lack of oxygen, the younger boy had refused to leave him alone for too long. He even followed him into the shower if Jimin intended on having a long bath. Taehyung never half-assed anything he took seriously. And Jimin had long since been number one on his list, someone he took very seriously.

 

On his second night back, Taehyung had sat stubbornly on the toilet seat, while Jimin showered and serenaded him with all the new English songs he had learnt while he was away. "Pass me the shampoo please!" Jimin demanded politely, when Taehyung was pondering what to sing next. Which the younger boy wasn't keen on doing without a fight. It was his mic after all and singing Adele's "Hello" into Seokjin's Japanese Cherry Blossom shower gel bottle didn't have quite the same finesse, as it did with Jimin's shampoo.

 

A squabble ensued and only ended when Taehyung hopped into the shower with Jimin, an inevitability.

 

Jimin didn't mind. He strongly believed that nobody shampooed his hair better than Taehyung did. Every single strand received individual attention, when Taehyung lathered his hair with his almond and Shea butter shampoo.

   
Out of necessity or just sheer lack of giving a shit, all of Bangtan had showered with each other at some point or the other. But Jimin and Taehyung were the only ones who did it for fun.  
  
When Taehyung had a rather bad day, lost in a haze of complex thoughts he couldn't navigate through, Jimin would draw him a warm bath, scented with his favorite bath bomb and for lack of a better word bathe him. They'd sit for hours into the night until the water was cold and the bubbles had all but disappeared. Time flew quickly with Jimin massaging Taehyung's golden soapy skin, coaxing the knots out his tired muscles, lathering his soft fluffy brown hair with strawberry shampoo and all the love in his heart, sometimes even dropping little kisses on the nape of his neck if it had be a particularly terrible day. They lived by a different set of rules. Rules the other boys seemed to know to accept and not question.  
  
Jimin sighed, nuzzling Taehyung's pillow. His bed smelt like him again. Well sort of. It smelt like Jimin too. But he didn't mind, not when the scent of strawberries invaded his senses. He picked up his phone and shot him a text, not expecting a reply. His friend was probably out with the Hwarang cast, enjoying the weekend. This time Jimin didn't taste the bitterness in his mouth, or the churning in his chest that signalled an attack. Taehyung had flown _hundreds_ of miles, while working just because he was sick. Sure, what illness jimin had was potential fatal and extremely serious, but Taehyung didn't know that! And he came anyway.  
  
Jimin let his mind drift off thinking about how much fun they all had together over the last few days. Even though Taehyung had been gone for less than two months, his absence had been _greatly_ felt. All the members had missed their walking puppy. It was a wonderful visit, albeit short!  
  
Taehyung had said that the production house was planning on relocating the shoot to right outside Ilsan, Namjoon's hometown to cut down on costs. If that actually happened, Taehyung would be so close then! Well, not exactly close, about 2 and a half hours by road... But still! Close enough! He could come on the weekends, he could come home if he left early, he didn't have to... But he'd have the choice! It was enough for Jimin to feel excited.

 

 

~~~

 

 

The next few days went by without incident. Jimin had been given permission to go back to their dance practices, but only for half the day. He didn't question it. Jimin was one of the main dancers. Everything came effortlessly to Jungkook, everything came flawlessly to Hoseok but nothing came effortlessly or flawlessly to jimin. He just made it look simple, by working four or five times harder than the other boys. The lack of practice had been giving him stress dreams. He had taken to biting his nails and even sewing!

 

Finally terrified that this would lead to another attack, Namjoon had convinced management that it was in Jimin's best interest to get out of the house. His fear of failure, or more importantly Bangtan's failure as a result of his mistakes was crippling him. Hindering the much required healing from his Hanahaki attacks or "luurvve attacks" as Jungkook called it, his eyes shining with that evil maknae glint.

 

Jimin would've whacked him for being disrespectful to his hyung, but he knew Kookie was at his shittiest when he was most terrified. And Jimin had really terrified him that day in the kitchen, sprawled over the table gasping for air. Jungkook had the presence of mind to perform the Heimlich, but he didn't stop shaking for hours after. When BTS debuted, he was the youngest idol not in just their company, but the youngest in the industry at that point. At fifteen, it was the older boys who had raised him, and while he loved being a little shit, it was only because he knew they'd love him anyway. Jungkook had to constantly censor himself, and his hyungs were the only exception to this. Rather, Jimin was the only exception to this. He sighed, _the little shit_ , he thought fondly.

 

"Damn Jiminnie! You've already caught up!" Hoseok hollered when the song ended. Jimin cocked an eyebrow at him. "This is all we've finished in three weeks?!" The group had gathered at the dance studio for their daily practice. It was only Jimin's fourth day back, and he had caught up on all the choreography they had learnt so far. This year, their album would have not only the group songs, but each member got their own solo. One that should they choose, could write on their own. The thought of writing terrified jimin. His creativity lay with dance. Not... Intellectual stuff. And when you had minds like Yoongi and Namjoon in the group, you never had to worry about lyrics. Now he had to. Between worrying about their comeback, Taehyung's wellbeing so far away from their nest miles and miles away and of course being killed because of he was in love with some faceless hack, Jimin had started running out of time to worry! There were not enough hours in the day! At least he had caught up with the choreo for the songs they had finished. One thing less to check off his list!

 

"Well it's not my fault! Without you to help Jin hyung and Namjoon-ah, everything took extra long!"

 

"Yah! What are you trying to imply?" Jin demanded, whacking Hoseok on the shoulder.

 

"He's implying that no one but Jimin has the patience and skill to train those chicken arms to dance, hyung." Jungkook said before running out of the room with an evil cackle, followed by Jin who chased after him yelling death threats about death-by-chicken-arms.

 

"So we're done?" Namjoon asked hopefully, excited to get back to his studio where he was in control, his domain.

 

"Well, Yoongi's long gone." Hoseok said looking at the now empty spot on the floor where Yoongi had slumped once the song got over.

 

"Why don't you head back home Jimin-ah? Rest up a bit? You did good today." Jimin flashed Hoseok a bright smile, bending his head so that the older could ruffle his hair. "Thanks Hobi hyung. I'll go home a little later. Still have to practice a bit."

 

Hoseok looked like he wanted to argue, but decided against it. Nobody could stop Jimin from practicing if he had his heart set on it.

 

"Alrighty. Just don't exert yourself, okay?"

 

"Mhmh."

 

"Promise hyung, Jimin-ah." Uh oh, he was using his serious voice. Jimin rarely heard it. He gulped and nodded. "I promise hyungie."

 

 

~~~

 

 

Later that night, as Jimin lay restlessly in (Taehyung's) bed he wished, wished, wished, he had been an obedient dongsaeng, listened to Hoseok, and just gone home like he had been told to do. Maybe then he wouldn't be feeling the way he did...

 

After lunch he had been walking towards Yoongi's studio, hoping to speak to him about the solo that he was writing for him. When he was stopped by the sound of Yoongi's raspy voice. He was in one of the changing rooms talking to someone. Jimin couldn't immediately decipher the words, so he took a step closer to the slightly ajar door.

 

"I don't understand why they insist we can't talk to him about it. What if we're right huh? Can you imagine what would happen to us if he goes through with the surgery then? He's our baby Yoongi. We have to talk to him."

 

Jimin recognized Jin hyung's voice. He was talking about a surgery? His surgery?? He leaned forward, trying to hear Yoongi's response.

 

"But what if we're wrong? If it's anyone it has to be Taehyung, but what if we're wrong? We could really fuck everything up!"

 

Jimin's eyes widened. Were they implying...?

 

"Yoongi, there's no one else! None of us qualify. If Taehyung's trip proved anything, it was that we're right! Whether he likes it or not, Jimin is in love with Taehyung, and it's _killing_ him."

 

A sharp gasp tore through his lips, his body reacting faster than his mind did. His skin stung, and it felt like he had been thrown into icy cold water while his insides felt like his blood had been replaced by molten lava, churning through him. His heart thudded in his ears, and the silence was deafening. Everything was so loud. Jimin stumbled back away from the door, catching his balance just before he hit the cold marble floor.

 

Taehyung... Taehyung... Taehyung!?!

 

His friends thought he was in love with Taehyung? Taehyung?!

  
"Wha-" before he could complete a thought he was running down the hallway. The next few minutes were a blur. The marble gave way to carpeted flooring and soon he saw the two glass doors. Jimin didn't stop till he was out in the bright, blinding sunlight. He gasped, gulping down the fresh air, too much too fast, everything was spinning. a distant voice at the back of his mind told him he was hyperventilating.

 

He tried to stop, he tried to slow down but he couldn't. Making a split second decision he turned and ran back into the lobby, planning to make his way down to the parking lot in the basement. Their driver, Tombi should still be there, he needed to go home. Busan would be nice. Mars would be better. For now their dorm would have to do.

  

He was about to turn the corner when he slammed into someone. "Ohmygod. I'm so sorry!!" He apologized profusely bowing repeatedly.

 

"Ah Jimin-ah! Brilliant to see you." In his daze Jimin hadn't even noticed who he had bumped into. Jackson Wang; who was currently sprawled out on the floor. Whoops. "Ah! Jackson hyung. I am so, so, so sorry." Four hundred bows followed as he helped Jackson off the floor. "Ah don't worry champ. It's all good. Nice to see you out again, where you headed?"

 

"Uh home hyung. If the driver's still there..."

 

"Oh! Okay. Well, I came to drop this snack box off for Namjoonie. I'll be done in like five if you don't mind waiting? I'll take you home."

 

Jimin had never felt more grateful. He nodded, his head going fifty miles per hour, thanking the Hong Kong native once again.

 

While waiting in the parking lot he texted the group that he would heading home early and that Jackson was dropping him. Normally the hyungs would insist he not be alone in case he had another attack, but since he had gone over a week without an incident, he didn't receive any protests. With any luck, the dorm would be deserted for at least a couple of hours, which he could utilize to freak out appropriately.

 

But all that would have to wait until he got home. Now... Now he needed to breathe... And also maybe calm the fuck down. Nothing set off a stupid flower expulsion from his lungs faster than an anxiety attack.  "Breathe." He muttered, sucking in the dusty parking lot air slowly.

 

"Thanks for waiting for me, Jimin-ah." Jackson called, distracting him from his thoughts as he stepped off the elevator. He paused when he saw Jimin's white face. "Woah. I hope you're not getting sick again, Pabo. Let's get you back home ASAP. Should I text the boys?"

 

"NO!" Jimin shouted too loudly, making Jackson flinch. "I'm sorry hyung. I didn't mean to- uh I'm fine. I promise. The others worry too much about me, please don't disturb them. I promise, I am fine!"

 

Jackson hesitated for a second, looking back at the elevator doors, as if pondering whether he should jump in and tell Namjoon or someone else. Jimin had been pretty sick, even though no one outside of the members and inner management team knew with what exactly.

 

Sensing his hesitation Jimin begged again, upping the puppy dog eye wattage by 10,000 - completely hyung proof! "Please hyung, I swear I'm fine. I don't want to needlessly worry the hyungs. They've got enough to worry about. I'm just tired, that's all. Please don't bother them." He slightly pouted his lips, (which thanks to his plush mouth, was infinitely more effective) and just when he knew he had Jackson hooked he let out a light whimper. This part was tricky, he knew. It needed subtlety. Hyungs were a lot easier to manipulate when they believed you genuinely _needed_ something, instead of _wanted_ something. This was a science, and being the eldest in the maknae line, Park Jimin had it perfected.

 

Jackson, whom he knew was now thinking of his own dongsaengs and unable to resist the Park Jimin Pouty Lips™ gave in almost immediately. "Um okay. Just, if you so much as sneeze, text those guys and me too! Okay? Promise?"

 

Flooded with relief, Jimin nodded.

 

 

~~~

 

 

Jimin had five seconds to feel proud of himself after he got home for being able to manipulate Jackson when he was so, so out of it before his put together façade broke.

 

He fell to the ground as the gravity of what Jin and Yoongi were talking about, hit him. It was ludicrous. It was! Of course he loved Taehyung. He loved him more than he loved himself. He loved him more than he loved anybody who wasn't his own flesh and blood. Like Taehyung had put it so eloquently when he had visited, they were extensions of each other. But Taehyung was a _boy_. He couldn't fall in love with a _boy._ What would his members say? Well, okay, Namjoon was very pro same-sex relationships... Yoongi and Jin seemed more concerned about him then give a shit whom he loved, Jungkook would be unbearable, nothing new there and Hobi hyung.. Well his heart was bigger than the Republic of Korea... So maybe? They would be okay... Since this was life and death.. But what about Taehyung? The hyungs did not have Jimin falling in love with them, so of course it would be an easier pill for them to swallow. But Taehyung? He would be disgusted with Jimin. Angry with him for tainting their pure love. Hot tears began to stream down his face as Taehyung's inevitable rejection began to sink in.

 

Was it even Taehyung? Was there any proof?

 

Just as Taehyung's face flashed in his mind, disgusted by Jimin, his rejection sharp and cruel... So cold, he felt it. His throat constricted and the now all too familiar feeling of soft, velvet material slowly making its way up his throat. He began to gag around it. It was a big one. Rose? The piercing thorns that followed neath it definitely reiterated that idea. He cried out, mourning the loss of his friend, the loss of his heart and most un-heroically and importantly the pain. Fuck it hurt. When he felt the flower reach the opening of his throat, he dug his hand into his mouth and with a piercing scream he pulled it out. Blood dripped from his mouth, as the thorns scratched his sensitive skin.

 

Was it even Taehyung? Was there any proof?

 

He stared down at the white rose, which was bigger than any of its predecessors, dripping with his blood. Fuck.

 

 

~~~

 

 

He slammed Jimin into the wall. It was dirty, moist and the area smelt terrible. But they had ten minutes and neither was willing to sacrifice their time commuting somewhere a little less gross. Not when they could use that time doing this.

 

"I've wanted you all day." The taller boy breathed, his voice deep and husky with yearning.

 

Jimin gulped, his tongue darting out to lick his plump painted lips. He couldn't see the boy's face, not hidden in the shadows, but he could feel his gaze following his tongue. He licked again, slowly. Not because they were dry, not because he was nervous, not because of anything other than how _sexy_ the attention made him feel. How desired.

 

"You did?" Jimin asked, fishing, wanting the beautiful boy with the warm voice and big hands to elaborate. He wanted to be devoured.

 

The boy hummed in agreement, before pressing his thumb against Jimin's lips.  His mouth parted, his tongue stroking the length of the finger, leading it further into the warm cavern. Jimin preened from the appreciative sigh the boy let out.

 

"Baby... We don't have much time and I wanna kiss yo-" his sentence was cut off with a moan when Jimin sucked down on his thumb harshly, his teeth grazing the skin followed by his tongue tentatively soothing the area.

 

"Then do it." Jimin gasped, when the other reluctantly claimed his hand back. "I'm yours. Kiss me."

 

He closed his eyes, as he always did, before the boy stepped into the light. The ground from beneath his feet disappeared as he was picked up. His legs instinctively wrapped around the thin, but sturdy waist. He never feared being dropped. The boy's frame was thin, but deceptively strong and Jimin who hated being carried in any other circumstance, hated the vulnerability, revelled in the excitement of being held so precariously. He knew the boy would never hurt him. He'd do everything to keep him from suffering. With all the insecurity and fear he faced because of this life he chose, he rarely felt safe. But now he did, in the arms of the faceless boy.

 

Even though Jimin had never seen him, he knew everything about him. Not by talking to him... Maybe they talked in another life, but in this one they just _knew_ each other. He didn't know his name or what he looked like, but he knew he loved his grandparents and his kisses sometimes tastes like peanut butter. He knew his body, like he knew his own. Where he was ticklish, where he was sensitive, where to suck to make him moan. He didn't need his eyes to know.  

 

One day he'd open them. But not today. They had little time and he wouldn't waste it wondering what his mouth looked like, when he could taste it instead.

 

Jimin's back pressed into the rough, hard wall behind him, as the boy leaned forward, pressing into him. Lord it really was filthy here. But all thoughts and feelings were wiped blank when the lips he was waiting for met his. He let out a soft content sigh, before the kiss gradually turned more feral.

 

His sighs dissolved into gasps and then moans, as the angel's tongue stroked his lower lip begging for permission to enter. Jimin's lips obediently parted, you already have permission, he wanted to say, which he promptly forgot when the boy started rutting against him.

 

"We don't have time...” He protested weakly between kisses. But he wanted it too. He needed him to know that he did.

 

"I know. Sorry."

 

"I'll make it up to you." He promised. Everything was so hot. His skin felt hot, the boy's breath was so hot against his neck, and the alley way was hot. Jimin felt like he was on fire. The makeup noona's were going to kill him for messing up his lipstick so terribly. But a well-placed pout usually saved him from receiving any scoldings.

 

"I know you will. You have to go in two minutes. Last kiss?"

 

Jimin whimpered. "When can I see you again?"

 

"Tomorrow night. Don't forget to dream about me Jimin-ah." He ran his fingers through the floppy brown hair that looked golden under the yellow streetlight. Jimin was enchanted. He felt the boy's head leave the curve of his neck and he instinctively closed his eyes. "My good baby boy." The boy praised, making Jimin's chest puff up proudly.

 

Their lips met again and Jimin's eyes opened.

 

 

~~~

 

 

He didn't jump or sit up with a start like they showed in the movies. His eyes shot open and for a minute Jimin felt completely disoriented. Scenes from the dream flashed before his eyes and he tried to commit them to memory. He had had this dream before. Maybe not this one exactly, but the same boy in the shadows. He never remembered them once he woke up.

 

If they were particularly intense, he'd wake up with a heavy feeling like he was missing something, and the harder he tried to remember the fast the figments would slip away. To Jimin it felt like he was trying to grasp mist, or running to the horizon. It was always, just a little out of reach.

 

But now.. Now he remembered. The feelings stayed. His heart was racing and his breaths were shallow. Not only had been dreaming about a _boy_ for months, he had been dreaming about Taehyung!!! In his dream he didn't open his eyes because he wasn't ready to face him, the consequences. So he kept his eyes closed and enjoyed the love, enjoyed being in love. That's why he knew his body so well. There wasn't anyone in the world Jimin knew better. His face heated a bright red when he remembered kissing him. He dreamed about kissing _Taehyung_. God. He really was going to die.

 

 

~~~

 

 

Jimin reacted the only way he knew how. He ran.

 

Everything in the dorm made him think of Taehyung and Bangtan and how royally screwed he was. Falling in love with his straight best friend. Jeez. He didn't even know he was gay! Well, he thought boys were handsome, but he only hung out with hot guys!!! Even the Pope would find them handsome! And he thought girls were pretty too... Right? Yes of course.

 

He certainly didn't have the time to look beyond a passing glance anyway. And when it came to jerking off, well that was a luxury in on its own, since there never seemed to be enough time.

 

Jerking off didn't give him a hint either. He could never get off without watching something, so he didn't have the opportunity to address his own and fantasies... Well he did have that one embarrassing- nope nope nope. He wasn't going to get into it. That was a whole different can of worms, one that could be opened another day. Or preferably never.

 

He looked down at his packed suitcase. Bang PD had given him permission to go home for a couple of weeks.

 

This is what set BigHit Entertainment apart from all the other companies. Bigger, famous ones like, SM, all but bred their idols. To them they were all just beautiful cogs in an incredibly lucrative money making machine. Not only did they ill-treat the international trainees, but they were notorious for not feeding them enough, overworking them, not letting them heal when they got hurt. In Jimin's opinion, they managed too many groups.

 

Then there was BigHit, aside from BTS there was only one group... One that hadn't even debuted. They put all their effort into these seven boys. They started from _nothing._ Bang PD gave them the freedom to write their own music, even produce, if they were keen on that. He didn't force them to sign any 'no dating' contracts.  He took care of all of his boys. Under his kindness, support and unfaltering faith in the unknown group, and their own blood, sweat and tears BTS was on the verge of becoming one of the biggest names in K-pop.

 

And now on the brink of that success, while everybody worked tirelessly, Bang PD gave Jimin the permission to leave. "Your health comes first, Jimin-ah. Take two weeks. Think of nothing but your home, family and self. We'll be here when you return. I promise."

 

Jimin let out a watery breath remembering his mentor's kindness, and he zipped his bag. Tomorrow he'd talk to the members and leave.

 

There was a lot he needed to sort out. He needed to clear his head and think. And he certainly couldn't do that here. This was his home but he needed to get away. It was his only hope.

 

 

~~~

 

 

Jimin stared up at the ceiling, the weight of the world sat on his chest and this was his last night in their dorm. Well for two weeks. When he returned he would have to go for the surgery and... Taehyung? There was a chance he'd forget Taehyung... No no no. Don't think about that. Not here, not now. He'd have two weeks to ponder and stew in his misery. Now, now it was his last night. He was back in Taehyung's bed, back to subtly screening his calls, back to enjoying a swollen throat and broken heart. He honestly believed that knowing who the person was would make everything easier, better even. But it was exactly the opposite. Stop. Stop. Stop. Don't think about it, any of it.

 

His last night. The smell of strawberries had once again been completely replaced by his own lame scent. He sighed. Maybe the members wouldn't be angry with him for leaving, maybe they'd understand... Hopefully not tell Taehyung... Damn everything seemed to lead back to this train of thought - love + rejection + Taehyung + death = Jimin's life. What a yucky equation.

 

Suddenly Hoseok let a surprisingly loud snore and made Jimin jump. "Oh my go-" he gasped, heart racing in his chest. Well, he certainly wasn't getting any sleep. That was a shame. The boy in his dream would be disappointed. He had asked him to dream of him tonight, so that they could meet again. Jimin was rather surprised to note that he felt a pang of disappointment as well. Whoa. Was he really gay? The naughty videos he used to watch to get off were always just girls.. He didn't like seeing the men's private parts... They looked so scary. Taehyung's wasn't scary - NOSTOPRIGHTTHEREMISTERDONTYOUDARECOMPLETETHATTHOUGHT.

 

Suddenly feeling extremely flustered and a little tight in his boxers, Jimin rolled over and screamed into Taehyung's pillow. Why. Was. He. So. Awkward?

 

The tightening didn't seem to go away, not even five minutes later. Jimin cocked an eyebrow at the bulge in his underwear. Wow, really? Now? Still? Hoseok let out another loud snore, reassuring Jimin of his deep slumber. Nervously, Jimin's hands danced down to his waist band, maybe he could try without watching a video? A flash of the dream from the night before danced in front of his eyes, except this time he didn't have his eyes closed. he could see the boy, he could see Taehyung. Taehyung's lips on his, his large hands cupping his ass holding him up, his body pressed against his, so close they melded into one. Jimin let out a shaky breath. Wow, okay. Maybe... Wow. Um. This was weird.

 

In the dark he caught the eye of Mr. Otaku, Taehyung's plushy bunny, with the floppy ears. The blank eyes of the toy stared back judgmentally at him. "Oh god, I'm sorry." He couldn't do this in Taehyung's bed!! Heavens no. He loved and respected his friend too much. Eek. Feeling appropriately guilty, and even more so because he was still hard. God, he was a bad person, wasn't he?

 

Ready to escape the judgmental bunny, he quickly scurried down the ladder and dropped into his own bed. The scent of strawberry invaded his senses. TAEHYUNG! For Taehyung's entire stay upon his return, he had only spent a couple of hours in his own bed... Occupying Jimin's during the night. Jimin closed his eyes and let him bask in the soothing scent of strawberries and Taehyung.

 

"I'm sorry that I want you so bad, Taehyungie." He mumbled, feeling an array of mish-mashed feelings, ranging from desire to guilt to a hint of pride for kinda-sorta-but-not-really accepting his feelings for his best friend.

 

Jimin glanced over at the sleeping form of his Hobi hyung. The older boy was curled up, facing the wall and looked like he went to sleep listening to music again.

 

Good. He wouldn't hear anything then.

 

Feeling all sorts of sneaky he slid under the bed covers and kicked his boxers off. Wow. He was really going to do this. Letting out a short, shaky breath he closed his eyes and tried to remember the dream again. Taehyung picking him up, pressing him into the wall, kissing his lips, his neck... His breath got a little shallower. He wrapped his hand around the hardening length and began to stroke. It was dry and his hand was too small. He always did hate his small hands. For a second he thought about Taehyung's hands, big and rough from his years of work on his grandmother's strawberry farm. After sleeping with night cream on his hands for for years they had gotten considerably softer... But sometimes, sometimes Jimin would slip his own small hand into his just to feel the rough skin. There was something so attractive about having skin rough and calloused as a result of hard work, manly work. Whoa. He was getting way off track. Something else was a wee bit concerning. He had always felt this way, but now those same feelings felt like there was an added dimension to it. Gah, he really was screwed.

 

Pushing Taehyung's beautiful manly hands out of his mind, he reached for the lotion on their dresser with his free hand. Taehyung's jasmine scented lotion. Wow.  No wonder the guy always smelt so good. He loved Taehyung's confidence. It was one of the things he not only loved the most, but also admired about his best friend. While the other boys did their best to look manly in the makeup and jazzy clothes they were forced to wear, Taehyung flaunted it. If something smelt good or looked wonderful, he'd wear it with pride.. Regardless of whether it was masculine or feminine.

 

Jimin wasn't close to being as confident, or as free as his best friend. If he had it in his heart, he'd be jealous. But he couldn't muster that. Not against Taehyung.

 

He squirted some sweet smelling lotion onto his palm, once again silently apologizing to Taehyung for using his things for such naughty endeavors. Exhaling a little breath, he wrapped his hand around the hardened length and his eyes dropped shut.

 

It was a different scene now. He was on the set of one of their music videos, Dope. It was the elevator Taehyung stood in where he was playing a detective. He looked so cute in that outfit. But now he was alone, and in his own costume, a boring business man with a button down white shirt and glasses. The place was deserted.

 

"Hey, what're you doing here?" Jimin jumped as Taehyung popped up from around the corner, except he wasn't wearing his detective costume.. He was dressed up as a nurse. Oh bloody hell. He tried to stop his eyes from raking down the thin frame lasciviously, landing on his waist. The white dress hugged his body so beautifully, Jimin's mouth went dry.

 

"Oh uh wow. W-What are y-you wearing?"

 

"Jin hyung's doctor costume came with this one. Kookie said none of us would look good in it. I proved him wrong, didn't I?" Jimin's eyes stayed on the waist, the white material showing off curves he suddenly felt extremely possessive over.

 

When he didn't respond, Taehyung took a step forward, his eyes had lost the warm, mischievous look. They were dark and intense - predatory, some part of Jimin shivered. "Didn't I, Jimin-ah?" He asked again, his voice soaked in honey and lust. Jimin wasn't going to make it out of the elevator alive.

 

He only managed a nod, noticing too late that his mouth had been open the whole time.

 

Taehyung chuckled and walked forward. "You know how I get when I see you in glasses, Jimin-ah..." His voice trailed off. He stepped into the elevator, and closed the distance between them.

 

"Good boys get lollipops, Jimin-ah. Are you a good boy?"

 

The scene faded away before Jimin could stop it. But he felt hot all over. His strokes had been lazy and slow as he imagined that pretty fantasy unfolding but one particularly loud snore from Hobi had him snapping out of his little day dream. Rats.

 

Okay this wasn't working. He needed some sort of visual aid.

 

He reached for his phone, and unlocked the screen. He was greeted by a goodnight text from Taehyung, a couple of other messages and notifications from their social media. He ignored them all. They would just have to wait!

 

He ignored the updates in favour of his browser and opened up the incognito tab. He typed in Taehyung's name. Instantly thousands of pictures came up. He was so beautiful. A fact Jimin always knew and constantly boasted about. Yet, it was easy to overlook this at times, take it for granted.

 

Suddenly, before he could stop himself, he typed in his own name next to Taehyung's. They had done lots of photoshoots together, and hung out constantly... There were bound to be at least a few pictures of the two of them together.

 

Okay. That was an understatement. Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of images popped up. It made Jimin's heart swell. Apparently there was a certain section of his fan base that wouldn't mind at all if he was with Taehyung. Wow. As he scrolled through the dozens of results he noticed so many of them were drawings, often accompanied with words like, "soul mates", "best friends", "boyfriends", "goals", etc. Their fans spent hours on this stuff - on him and Taehyung together.

 

Now he knew that people shipped him with the other members. Nothing pushed a group's popularity more than their fans. A lot of companies were known for 'manufacturing ships'. Forcing their idols into all sorts of awkward skinship situations, making them hug and declare their love for each other. Anything to feed the fans.

 

Thankfully, Bangtan wasn't like that.

 

They showed skinship when they wanted. Which was always.

 

Through his searches, Jimin stumbled on some sort of fan site that was dedicated to their ship, Vmin. But there weren't any pictures on the page he was on. It was some sort of story or essay in English. Once again he was blown away by amount of time their army spent on them.

 

He clicked to translate the page, and began to read through what the author had written.

 

Not ten seconds in, and his cheeks had exploded into bright red. It was a story about Taehyung and Jimin who were boyfriends. Taehyung was an, oh my god did he read that right(???), a puppy hybrid and story Jimin had found him crying in an alleyway in the rain.

 

His flushed member lay strewn across his stomach, abandoned as he got into the story. Also, wow, that's how it worked between a boy and another boy. He wasn't stupid, he knew what went where... But there was apparently quite a bit he didn't know.

 

He quickly made a mental note to look up words like 'lube' and 'prepping' later. Army was really were very creative.

 

The story got really interesting around the middle. Story Jimin had gone to an office Christmas party, leaving poor Story Taehyung at home. Actually, Story Taehyung didn't want to go and had begged Story Jimin to go without him, but Jimin still viewed his fictional self's actions as deplorable. He should be at home, with Story puppy Taehyung and his floppy ears, and not drinking with colleagues he hates!! Story Jimin began missing his puppy, so he decided to leave the party early, only to walk through the door of his house and find the place totally ransacked. When he entered the bedroom, panicked stricken, looking for the only thing that mattered to him, he found the sweet hybrid curled up on the floor. Jimin gasped along with the fictionalized version of himself. Was Taehyung okay? The puppy was covered sweat, his small whimpers breaking his heart.

 

Jimin read on, entranced. It turned out puppy Taehyung was going through his 'heat'. Sure, Jimin was the most innocent of BTS, at least he pretended to be... But he had never ever ever read about heats in such a context. What followed, much to his embarrassment (not that he stopped reading) was story Jimin basically fucking his best friend into the mattress and then later in the bathtub and then once again in the living room. His fans gave his virility much too much credit. Lord. He was sweating already. And the friend between his legs had sprung to life, with all the reading.

 

He was definitely going to hell. He knew that. So he clicked on another story.

 

This time Taehyung fucked him. He surprised himself by noting that while the idea of putting him + fucking + Taehyung in the same sentence made him flush red right down to his toes, he didn't mind either. Doing it or being on the receiving end. Was that normal? He added to his mental checklist. He was going to need to purge his phone soon. Just burn it and throw the remnants in the sea.

 

He let out a whimper as he dug his thumb into the slit, making his hips jolt upward. This was the longest he had probably jerked off.. Well ever. It was some kind of epic record in his very limited experience. Every time he found a rather naughty story, he got all into it, but then it got over too quickly. Plus the plots kept distracting him. He blamed the fans entirely for that.

 

After the fifth story, he was content with just teasing himself, reading about fictionalized versions of him and Taehyung doing the nasty while he fisted his length with slow long strokes.

 

Yeah, he was a creep but at least their fans were equally bad. It was the last story that had him exploding all over his chest. It was an alternate universe, where he and Taehyung were both princes of powerful neighboring kingdoms, who fell in love despite Taehyung's character being betroth to Jimin's sister (!!!!). The story was fascinating and Jimin felt greatly connected to both characters. Prince Jimin also lived in a homophobic country with thousands of people counting on him to do the right thing and be _“normal”_ The parallels struck a chord with the Busan native and he was ready to put his phone down and just call it a night. But then the characters had sex, and goddamn if the author didn't go into excruciating detail. Jimin was spent.

 

The last thoughts that occurred to him before passing out was, firstly, he was most definitely gay, secondly loving Taehyung didn't seem all that earth shattering anymore and thirdly, his fans were perverts.

 

\--

 

Talk to him. Talk to him. Talk to him.

 

He pressed the dial button, but cut it off after two rings. Why was this so hard to do? This was Taehyung.

 

Taehyung, his best friend, who would all sorts of murder him if the homicidal flowers didn't first for not telling him he was going to Busan.

 

He clicked on the record button. An audio. Perfect, Taehyung would hear his voice and Jimin would be able to dodge any questions.

 

He had already said his farewells to the other members. They had all been incredibly supportive. Jungkook, a fellow Busan native demanded for some snacks from his favorite shop.

 

Come life or death, some things never changed. For instance, Jeon Jeongguk being a little shit.

Jimin took solace in that.

 

As the car sped to the airport Jimin clicked the record button for the eighth time that morning. He was constantly being interrupted, either by annoying dongsaengs or fretting hyungs. Now finally, he was alone. He wasn't used to this feeling of anxiety before talking to Taehyung. Taehyung was his best friend, the one who knew all his secrets as he liked to say. Before he could chicken out, he spoke.

 

"Hi Taetae. It's me. I'm sorry I've been so AWOL again. Between the medications, another attack and dance practice I've been so out of it. I'm sorry. I called earlier but um I didn't get through (lies lies. That's because I hung up!). I'm going home for a little bit, to Busan I mean. They think I might recover better there. Just wanted to keep you in the loop." He paused. Taehyung was going to know something was off. He always did. "I hope you're having lots of fun with your Hwarang hyungs. Don't forget that you love me the most. Eat well and I miss you, pretty."

 

He pressed send and locked his phone. That should do it.

 

\--

 

The first week at home went extremely well. He didn't leave the house unless it was ass o'clock in the morning. Jimin didn't want to deal with the chance of being spotted.

 

His mother had been horrified by his newfound weight loss. When jimin tried to insist that he needed to follow a strict diet plan, his dear mother, made a whole show of asking to see it, perhaps willing to cook something for him from there. Jimin should have known better. She had that glint in her eye. Unwittingly he handed over the only copy of the list and watched as his mother read it, nodding and humming as her eyes danced down the page. "I see, I see. Yeah, we could work with this. Most definitely."

 

Jimin then proceeded to watch in horror as she turned on the stove and set fire to the list, her smile growing bigger as it burned. "EOMMMMAAA!" he cried as he said goodbye to the six pack he was supposed to attain before their comeback.

 

Aside from the overfeeding, being home was wonderful. The nostalgia in his chest felt sated.

 

But it took all of six days for him to go from missing his members to absolutely YEARNING for them. Bangtan was his whole entire life, and while his family tried to understand they'd never really get it. Nobody but the seven members would. He missed everyone and everything. Even the little things that used to annoy him quite a bit before.

 

He missed Jin's yummy 'jjajangmyeon', Namjoon's soothing voice asking him if he was okay, Jungkook resting his head on his lap and asking him to speak in satoori, dance practice with Hobi, sitting with Yoongi while he wrote and of course Taehyung. There wasn't just one thing he missed about Taehyung. He missed everything.

 

He missed all of them. The loud dormitory, where privacy was a foreign concept, days spent at the company, dancing and recording, late nights and fansigns, oh god, regardless of what happened, he was going to lose it all. Home wasn't home without Taehyung. If he had the surgery there was an large chance, more than 95% that all his memories of Taehyung would be wiped. How would that even work? Make new memories? Their history was what made them who they were. Since realizing who the subject of his affections was, the surgery ceased being a get-out-of-jail card. It was infinitely more complicated. If he didn't get the surgery, he died. Died. If he did, he lost Taehyung. Well, maybe it was too late for that.

 

Ugh. It was too much. Too entangled. Too much of a mess. All the time in the world wouldn't give him an answer.

 

Three days later he was nearly delirious. As much as he loved, loved, loved being back in Busan, he wanted to be back home. The other boys had started doing the rounds, making appearances at variety shows. They had been split up into groups of two and three so as to cloud the missing members, Taehyung and Jimin.

 

Army had been nothing but supportive. But questions were bad. In a world where dating alone was a scandal, getting Hanahaki's disease was as career ending as declaring you were pro-Hitler or something. Well, maybe that was an exaggeration... But still. So in order to earn his keep, Jimin started making vlogs, directed straight to ARMY, where he talked about his fears of failure, of being Bangtan's reason for failure. Never being up to the caliber of the other members. The videos got extremely popular, and sort of bridged the gap that he was away from the group. Addressing his fears was apparently something one simply didn't do as an idol and the fans ate it up. Their upcoming comeback became a topic of conversation again, instead of him not making the same appearances as the other members.

 

He was feeling a little more secure in terms of his job, but all that would be for naught if he didn't even make it to comeback. Of course before anything drastic he would have been pushed into the surgery. But then he'd have to tell Taehyung he was the one. How mortifying.  Taehyung would know, he'd have the surgery and then only in the most ideal of circumstances he wouldn't remember anything. But Taehyung would. Uggghhhh. Why him?! Yoongi hyung had been pining for Jin hyung for like two years now. Why wasn't he throwing up flowers left, right and center? He immediately took it back, doused in guilt. He wouldn't wish this fate on anyone. Not someone beloved like Yoongi hyung, not someone he disliked either. Hanahaki's was a cruel, cruel disease.

 

His phone buzzing brought him out of his muddled thoughts. Taehyung's contact picture blew up his screen. He hesitated. They hadn't spoken. Texted and audios went back and forth but they hadn't spoken. Audios had been rehearsed, texts had been read over five hundred times before sent. A conversation was a whole new ballgame. He hadn't spoken to Taehyung since before he realized he was The One.

 

But the longing for his best friend overrode his fear and he picked up the phone. He was greeted by the characteristic, "Jiminnniieeeeeee~~~~~~~~~~~."

 

Despite the heavy feeling in his stomach, he chuckled. "Hi Tae."

 

"How are you, my elusive pabo?" Jimin felt a small pang at the word 'elusive'. So he noticed. Well, of course he did. It was Taehyung. Despite playing up his 'dumb blonde' antics which enabled him to get away with freaking murder (by Jin's standards at least), Taehyung was the most perceptive one of them all.

 

"I'm okay. Bored out of my wits in paradise. What about you, Taehyungie?" Taehyung's warm laugh washed over him, making his heart squeeze with yearning. Like it always did. As he recently learned, not just because he loved him, but because he was "in" love with him. A fact that still managed to completely blow his mind.

 

"Wellllll, like always we're on the same page, Jimin-ah. I too am bored out of my wits and in paradise. Come keep me company."

 

"Fly to Jeju? Thanks but no thanks."

 

Taehyung let out whine. "But whyyyyy?"

 

"Um top of my head? A) There are no direct flights from Busan to Jeju and B) I have no intention of surrounding myself with beautiful flower knight jerk faces when eomma has burnt my diet plan and destroyed any chance I have of getting my six pack back."

 

His friend roared with laughter. "My Jiminnie is such a liar! But he's a cute one so I'll forgive him."

 

"What do you mean?" He mumbled, cheeks growing pink.

 

"What I meeeaann Jiminnie pabo iiisss." His singsong voice trailed off prompting Jimin to whine at the unnecessary 'pabo' tack-on. "A) there most definitely are direct flights between Jeju and Busan. 11 to be precise. And B) as handsome as the hwarang hyungs are, and oh my lord, are they HANDSOME, like Jiminnie I am talking wow! Jaw on the floor are they seriously real, like good heavens everyone is blessed who sees them, especially do Jihan I mean WOWZA--"

 

"You were going somewhere with this?" Jimin interrupted, eyes narrow and voice blank, the epitome of bemusement. He cleared his throat for added effect.

 

"What? Oh right sorry. I got carried away. But Jiminnie~~~~~~~ If you saw Jihan hyung, you'd understand." Jimin was not sulking. He was not. He was also not five seconds away from flipping a table. Preferably one which had his former best friend sitting on it.

 

Jimin cleared his throat again.

 

"What was I saying? Oh right. My. Jiminnie. Pabo. Is. A. Liar." Jimin growled and Taehyung laughed (read: cackled). "Baby boy, regardless of how handsome they are, and they are handsome, nobody holds a candle to you. You. Know. This.” Jimin's throat involuntarily let out another sound, more tune to that of a whimper. "Nobody has your beautiful, crinkly eye smiles, or cutesy chubby cheeks or sharp jawline which if you think about it, should be mutually exclusive. I mean, how do you have both Jiminnie? Huh? Chubby cheeks and a sharp jawline. Damn. Throw in a body that won't quit, thighs that will be the death of me some day and a heart that is capable of exuding so much love everyone in your presence just drowns... Happily. Willingly."

 

Half way through his friend's embarrassing rant, Jimin's face had gone fire engine red with embarrassment. How could Taehyung say those things... So easily. He fell back on his bed, burying his face into the fluffy pillow, as Taehyung's elaborate compliments coated him with some much needed love.

 

"Jiminnie, my baby boyyyyyyy. Are you still there?"

 

"Yea." Jimin replied, his voice unintelligible due to the pillow. "Good. Soooo. You didn't ask me how I know you lied about the Jeju flight." When Jiminnie did not respond, Taehyung whined. "Ask me, Jiminnie. Ask me."

 

Jimin let out an exaggerated sigh, feeling extremely put upon. "Tell me, Taehyung. Tell me."

 

"Because I took it."

 

Jimin sat up so fast that he stumbled off his bed. A thud loud enough not to go unnoticed by his best friend. "W-what?"

 

"You heard me." Taehyung replied, sounding triumphant.

 

"Y-You're in B-Busan?"

 

"Not just in Busan, my doll. The tomatoes we planted last time are growing beautifully-"

 

Jimin was out of his room and had reached the front door before Taehyung finished his sentence, heart thudding in his ears, breathless from both the exertion and speed. He swung the door open and there on his porch step sat his best friend, sipping hot chocolate looking nonchalant as hell.

 

"Hiya Jiminn- oof!" Jimin tackled him, throwing himself at the lanky lad. "Uh wow. Someone's happy to see me." Taehyung said laughing softly.

 

He set the paper cup down, before one of them accidentally burned themselves.

 

Jimin ignored him, wrapping his arms tightly around his neck. Taehyung took the smaller boy's cue of wanting to be close, and propping an arm under his butt pulled him close. "You're here. You're here. You're here." He chanted, squeezing his friend so tightly Taehyung considered it a victory that he hadn't turned purple yet.

 

"Of course I'm here silly billy." He replied, rubbing Jimin's back soothingly with his free hand. His other arm had encircled his waist and held him close. "I missed you TaeTae." Jimin admitted softly, shyly.

 

Taehyung internally cooed, feeling his insides turn too much. "I missed you too, baby boy and you didn't make it any easier on me, did you?"

 

Jimin pulled away, enough to look up at Taehyung, his eyes misty and questioning. "I miss you all the time, Jiminnie. But you went back to keeping me at arm’s length... What's going on? Please talk to me."

 

Jimin tucked his face back into the crook of Taehyung's neck, his nose brushing against the defined collarbones. It took all his willpower and then some, not to dot the line with kisses. "I-I'm all muddled up. My head, it's so full all the time and I-"

 

"Jiminnie, listen to me. That's why we created our safe space right, remember? I know how you get. How your thoughts overlap, and run faster than the speed of light. Before you finish one thought, you've moved onto the next. It would be overwhelming for anyone. That's why we have our safe space... Right?"

 

He nodded, his eyes brimming with tears. Taehyung was so tender with him, when he needed it the most.

 

Jimin was the one who took care of them both. The one who woke him up, made sure he ate on time and showered, petted him, let him sleep in his bed, who would cry with him in the bathroom... But Jimin had his moments when he couldn't absorb anymore. Couldn't be the 'angel of BTS' like Seokjin called him. It was times like this when he got so wound up and stressed that he'd be seconds away from snapping and that's when Taehyung would jump in. Taehyung. His saviour. Taehyung who sometimes struggled with words and stammered, who went off into his own world and just zoned out mid-sentence, was the only one who was equipped to handle Jimin when he got like this.

 

"I-I... I'm so scared Taehyungie. All the time. And I-I feel like there's this weight on my chest and it won't go anywhere. I-I... I'm going to lose you soon and I don't w-wanna. I w-want us to b-be together fore-ver."

 

Taehyung stared at Jimin like he had grown an extra head. He pulled the sniffling boy close, eliminating any space between them. "Where did you get an idea like that, sweetie? Huh? I know you're terrified, I am too. Everything is uncertain Jiminnie, except that you'll never lose me. Ever. I promise. You're so brave. The bravest baby boy I know."

 

Jimin continued sniffling, the anxiety of the last few weeks had built up so much, and he felt like he was going to burst.

 

"Promise?"

 

"Pinky promise. Come, let's go to your room. You should try regressing a little, I'm here to take care of you."

 

Jimin pouted at him. "J-Jiminnie is a-all alone at home."

 

Taehyung smiled softly and nodded, "I know. I got you some prezzies." The older boy’s eyes lit up. "For me?! Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!"

 

"Nuh-uh. First upstairs. We're going to get you into comfy jammies and then I'll give you your presents. Will you be my good boy?"

 

Jimin nodded fervently and jumped off Taehyung's lap. He tugged him up and led him into the house, so excited that he forgot to close the door behind him.

 

Usually a couple of hours in a regressed safe space was all Jimin needed to start fresh, start new. Taehyung was for all intents and purposes his caregiver.  Unofficially, of course. Jimin had never asked him in so many words and Taehyung had never offered. They just sort of fell into the roles.

 

About a year ago, Jimin had been under a lot of pressure. And unlike now, not all of it was self-imposed. When they had debuted, he had a rock hard set of abs. What the fans didn't understand was what he did to get them. How far he pushed himself. Crash dieting, skipping meals, dancing eight sometimes nine hours a day. He had the abs. He was forced to show them as part of the No More Dream choreography. It was fine. Until he collapsed.

 

Three months later his abs were gone and he was receiving hate from thousands and thousands of antis - Twitter, YouTube, Instagram.. Nothing was untouched.

 

While ARMY battled on his behalf, it wasn't enough to silence the ghosts that haunted him. The ghosts that constantly reiterated that he was the last to join Bangtan, where everyone trained for years he got to train for months, he was fat and ugly and geeky. It built and built until the inevitable happened. He crashed again. It was just him and Taehyung when it happened. They were in their hotel room in Japan, for some award show or the other. Jimin crashed in the form of regressing to a headspace to that of a child. Taehyung who sometimes found it hard to finish a sentence without zoning out somehow managed to catch on.

 

Apparently, while reading "One Piece" fanfiction online, his favorite anime, he had come across something called "Little Space". It was a sort of safe space, he understood, that some people fell into when they were under a lot of pressure or stress. Sometimes they slipped in by choice as a way to escape or sometimes like Jimin, they just cracked and ended up crying in their roommate's bed while sucking their thumb. Jimin looked back on this night with _a lot_ of embarrassment but also a lot of affection for Taehyung who rose to the occasion like a pro. He cooed and picked Jimin up, placing him on his lap. He rocked the 'little' boy, whose sobs had died down to erratic hiccups until he eventually fell asleep in his arms.

 

When Jimin woke up the next morning, he was back to his usual self and infinitely cheerier. Neither of them addressed the events of the night before. And that continued until the next time Taehyung found him in little space.

 

Since Jimin hated falling completely into little space, afraid of regressing beyond a certain age, Taehyung came up with a way to regulate his regression. It took some experimentation, but he figured out how to keep Jimin just above the line, teetering but not quite falling completely into little space.

 

Various tactics, like Taehyung calling him sweet names reserved "exclusively" for the little space, baby, pet, etc. was the most effective. Of course, rarely did he really respect the "exclusively" part, since he was notorious for breaking this rule. Often calling Jimin the 'secret' words in normal conversation. In front of other people!! It made the older beyond flustered. Which usually instigated one of the members (read: Seokjin) to coo at him and pinch his cheeks! He was still a man! Grr.

 

Based on the stuff they had read online (incognito mode of course.), it appeared Jimin's little age was around 7 or 8 years old. He didn't demand for stuffies, blankies or pacifiers like apparently a lot of other littles did.

 

Taehyung was most put out by this. "Be younger Jiminnie! OHMYGOD I would just die if I saw you wrapped up in a soft blankie with a pacifier!" He ended up kicked to the floor, whilst being subjected to rather explicit death threats from the older.

 

What little Jimin did require was attention. Cuddling and cooing. He absorbed Taehyung's affection like a sponge when he was like this, instead of whacking his arm with embarrassment, he embraced it. One thing did embarrass him though and while he would never admit this out loud, he liked it when Taehyung called him pretty. "You have such a praise kink, Jiminnie!" Jungkook had once cackled. "Yah! That's Jiminnie hyung to you!"

 

Taehyung was always one to oblige though. Saying and doing all the things Jimin was too embarrassed to ask for. _Of course_ he was the one Jimin fell in love with. What chance did he have?

 

 

~~~

 

 

"Ah how long has it been since we were here last, Jiminnie?" Taehyung asked, as they entered Jimin's bedroom.  

 

Jimin didn't respond, his eyes were latched on to the bag in Taehyung's hand. His prezzies were in there!! Prezzies!

 

Taehyung caught his friend's gaze and laughed.

 

He set the bag down slowly on the bed, watching Jimin from the corner of his eye. He reminded him of a dog, eyeing a piece of meat. If he had a tail, it would be wagging at the speed of 80 miles per hour. Cutie.

 

Taehyung, unable to resist the opportunity of teasing his best friend, took his time opening the bag, sliding the zip across slowly making Jimin nearly jump with excitement.

 

"First, jammies, Jiminnie." He instructed, tossing over a pair of powder blue soft cotton pajamas. They were similar to the ones Jimin had back in the dorm, hidden under Taehyung's mattress. Except these pajama bottoms were decorated with various little teddy bears. Jimin's eyes were large and shiny as he studied at each one, all differently illustrated. His instant favorite was the judge bear, he was wearing a wig and had gavel and everything!! A giggle burst from his mouth, although it was closer to a gurgle. Taehyung had to distract himself before he disintegrated due to a cuteness overdose.

 

"Taetaetae, help Jiminnie!" The older demanded, stamping his foot. Taehyung took in the sight before him, Jimin with his eyebrows knitted, his chubby cheeks scrunched up and his plump lips pursed in the cutest pout. He was a mere mortal. How was he supposed to look at this being directly in the eye and not immediately die? Somehow he managed to say, with great difficulty. "My Jiminnie is a good boy, what do good boys say when they ask for something?"

 

Jimin's face froze in that cute scrunched up way, but his eyes were focused as if trying to remember what good boys were supposed to say. Taehyung was five seconds away from throwing himself out of the window. He wasn't prepared to survive this kind of cuteness.

 

"Pwease?" Jimin finally settled on.

 

"Hmm?" Taehyung had already forgotten what he had asked Jimin.

 

"Pwease help Jiminnie?"

 

Ah, yes. Manners. Right.

 

"Good boy! I knew my Jiminnie was a good boy, the best boy. Come here pet, let me help you." He sat down at the edge of the bed. Jimin walked forward, fitting himself in the space between his knees, bracketing himself in. "B-Buttons." He said softly, his eyes running over the big buttons on the pajama top, each one was a little bear. Jimin giggled again, a sound so pure and so precious that it had Taehyung leaning up and pressing a soft kiss onto the chubby cheek. Jimin let out a soft gasp, his finger going up to meet the spot Taehyung kissed. His eyes were wide, and lips parted. "Taehyung kissed Jiminnie. Taehyung love Jiminnie?" He asked softly, his voice so cautious and sweet.

 

Taehyung laughed at the innocence Jimin exuded. He had fallen back a little smaller than Taehyung was used to dealing with. Closer to the age of four or five than the standard seven or eight.  

 

"Of course he does, silly boy. With all his heart."

 

Jimin harrumphed with a grumpy pout. "I'm not silly! I'm good! I'm good!"

 

He couldn't help but agree. Jimin was the best.

 

 

~~~

 

 

Jimin put his arms up, his face so trusting and vulnerable as Taehyung carefully pulled off the shirt the older was wearing. He then helped him into the pajama top, holding it up so jimin could slip his hands through.

 

"See baby, every button is a different bear." Jimin looked down obediently, watching Taehyung with a wobbly grin as the younger took his time, buttoning his way up to the collar. He decided to leave the last button open so Jimin wouldn't feel constrained. He settled with nuzzling the exposed neck instead and making growling sounds. His antics had Jimin in hysterics.

 

It took a little convincing to get Jimin to let go off the pajama bottoms he was clutching tightly to his chest, but after some rather intense dessert negotiations, Taehyung was successful. Jimin would be a good boy and put on his jammie bottoms and he would be rewarded with an extra scoop of ice cream at dinner!

 

Taehyung felt his heart kick in his chest, looking at his best friend in the baby blue teddy bear patterned jammies, his beautiful pouty lips wrapped around a thumb which he was sucking fervently.

 

"Cutie." He praised, poking Jimin's chubby cheek, eliciting a whine in response.

 

"Prezzie time, baby boy! Are you excited?"

 

Jimin let out a squeal and nodded. Taehyung noticed that he was really regressing pretty far into the little headspace. Further than he had ever gone before. He must have been really, REALLY stressed out.

 

Taehyung felt a little guilty for being so far away for the last couple of months.

 

Before immediately accepting the role of Hansung, he had hesitated for just a second. Acting was his dream. But Jimin was his best friend and nobody knew his secret, nobody understood what he needed. Jimin didn't let him hesitate for long though, pouncing and crushing him in a tight hug. "I'm so so proud of you Taehyungie." He had exclaimed.

 

It was only off and on for a couple of months. Right? Jimin would be okay.

 

"Prezzy!" Jimin demanded, his hands balled into tiny fists, bringing Taehyung out of his thoughts and back into the powder blue bedroom.

 

"Sorry, sorry, baby boy. Everything that's in the bag is for you, come on. Have a look." He tugged on the handle of the duffle, prompting Jimin to jump onto the bed, and attack the bag. Taehyung watched from the side, laughing as his friend went laboriously through each present.

 

Every once in a while he'd pick something up that he didn't understand. "That's for big Jiminnie." Jimin's eyes went round and nodded. Big Jiminnie should get prezzies too. "B-Big Jiminnie would like that!" He exclaimed pointing at the little pouch of jewelry, filled with rings and a couple of bracelets.

 

"I sure hope so. Do you like your presents, Jimin-ah?"

 

Jimin nodded furiously the apples of his cheeks a delicious red, pushing his eyes up into happy, shining crescents. "This much!" He said stretching his arms as far back as they could go. He paused, arms outstretched and Taehyung could see as the bright happiness melted into something shyer. Jimin was the easiest to read in little space. "Thank you for loving Jiminnie, TaeTae."

 

Taehyung heard the sound akin to that of dying whale and it took a second to notice that he was responsible. "Come here." He demanded, voice strangled and making grabby hands for the cutest little in the universe.

 

Jimin happily accommodated his request, crawling over to him en route picking up a new puppy stuffie, one of Taehyung's many, many presents.

 

 

~~~

 

 

When Jimin woke up, it was dark outside and he felt infinitely better. He always did when he woke up after a couple of hours in little space where he could just... Succumb. Of course he couldn't slip in without Taehyung. There was something about the other boy, when he talked to him in a certain way, he triggered something in his mind that just enabled him to let go.

 

Oh... Taehyung was here!!! Or was that a dream? His eyes immediately felt to the black duffel on the ground and then his powder blue pajamas. Okay, definitely not a dream. Being in pajamas like this, while not in a regressed headspace had Jimin feeling extremely silly.

 

A loud laugh from downstairs had him jumping out of bed. It usually took Taehyung less than two minutes to have his mother tearing up from laughter and texting Taehyung's mum to see if she was interested in trading sons. Jimin wasn't petty. He didn't get jealous. He certainly didn't buy Taehyung's mother flowers and candy the next time they were in Daegu, Taehyung's hometown and he certainly didn't charm her until she texted his mother that she would be happy to trade.

 

He headed to the closet to pick something to change into, when a T-shirt and shorts neatly folded on the foot of his bed caught his eye. On the top of the little stack was a post it, with Taehyung's messy scrawl instructing him to put the clothes on. Jimin felt the all too familiar pang of affection in his chest. Taehyung took taking care of him so seriously.

 

He thought, not for the first time, of course it was Taehyung. What chance did he have?

 

 

~~~

 

 

"Tae-yah?"

 

"Hmm?" The boy mumbled sleepily, rubbing his head on Jimin's chest, trying to find a comfortable spot. Jimin ran his fingers through the silken honey locks, so soft and fluffy, just like the boy they belonged to.

 

"Sorry, I didn't realize you were asleep. Ssh. Go back to sleep."

 

"No tell me, what's up?" Jimin smiled down at the boy, struggling to form his words and absolutely incapable of opening his eyes, sleep sealing them shut.

 

"Sleep. We'll talk later."

 

"~~~~~Minniieeeee." The boy whined into his chest. And he was supposed to be the little?

 

"I was just thinking..."

 

"Mhm?"

 

"I feel kinda bad about you wasting your holiday on me. You barely have any time to begin with, and to use the time you do have on me..." His voice trailed off. Taehyung had stopped moving, his body had gone still next to jimin.

 

"Sometimes I wonder where your mind gets its ideas from, Jimin-ah."

 

"I-"

 

"No, stop. I'm here because I want to be. Not because I have to. Want to. Need to. Honestly, I don't know what to do about that brain of yours."

 

"Sorry, Taehyung-ah." Jimin mumbled, feeling appropriately rebuked.

 

Taehyung sighed.

 

They lay in silence for a while. The sound of waves could be heard in the distance, if Jimin tried hard enough to listen. He could feel himself falling asleep to the sound of them crashing onto the shore.

 

"I don't want to have the surgery."

 

His voice cut through the silent room and Taehyung jolted up. His eyes, puffy from the sleep and wide. "W-what?"

 

"I-I don't want to have the s-surgery." He repeated. The conviction in his heart not translating to his voice.

 

"Jiminnie... I uh know you're scared but you have to have this surgery-"

 

"NO! I don't want to. I don't want to!"

 

"J-"

 

"I love... I don't want to lose this love. I don't. It's the most important thing in the world Tae-" Jimin looked away as Taehyung slid off the bed. He couldn't bear to look him in the eye.

 

Tomorrow they would be leaving for Seoul. Taehyung having taken two extra days to drop him before then flying to Jeju to continue with the shoot.

 

He had put off telling him for as long as possible. They had spent their days watching anime, cooking, reading, snuggling and nights, sneaking out to the beach - ideal idol hours, Taehyung had declared it.

 

But now he had run out of time. Tomorrow he'd be back in Seoul and the day after that, under the knife.

 

He practiced how he would tell Taehyung, begging him not to hate him. Promising that he'd do everything to make things go back to the way they were post the op. But he chickened out. Every time. And now he had gone off script and was messing everything up.

 

Taehyung was angry. Not just angry, he was furious. Pacing up and down the bedroom floor, his frame barely visible in the dark room. But Jimin could feel the waves of rage practically radiating off him.

 

"How could it be the most important thing to you, if you don't even know the person?" Taehyung demanded bitterly, his teeth gritted, exuding hate very uncharacteristic of him. Especially if Jimin was in the vicinity. This was all going so terribly not according to plan.

 

"I-I'm sorry, Taehyung-ah. Please don't hate me. I'm so so so sorry." The tears that had been burning his eyes since they started talking, spilled onto his cheeks. Taehyung froze when he saw Jimin crying. Jimin cried a lot in little space, at the very least he teared up quite frequently. But big Jimin rarely cried. Big Jimin was the one who absorbed everyone else's pain, wiped away everyone else's tears.

 

"Oh Jiminnie." He whispered, striding back to the bed, closing the space between them. "Please don't cry, doll. Please. I'm sorry I got angry. I'm sorry I yelled. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. Please my sweet, we'll figure it out. I promise. I'll find this person and I'll whack some sense into them okay? Nobody in their right mind wouldn't love you back. You're literally everyone's type. Please don't cry, Jiminnie." He paused, dotting soft kisses along his brows, as his big hands cupped his face. Jimin felt himself melt right into his warm, all-encompassing embrace.

 

"I was just upset." He continued. "Upset that there was somebody out there that you were willing to die for. You'd be willing to sacrifice everything... No one is worth that Jimin-ah. No one."

 

"You are."

 

 -

 

Time seemed to stand still.

 

It looked like everything Taehyung was holding left him and he slumped forward. He blinked at Jimin in sheer confusion as the older boy kept his eyes focused on the puppy stuffy on his lap.

 

"Huh?" Taehyung asked eloquently.

 

"I said you are. It's you. You're the one I'm in love with." Jimin repeated simply. Now that he had said it, he felt strangely calm. It was Taehyung's turn to freak out, to carry the burden of having someone insane be in love with him so deeply that said person got sick by some funny-not-funny-disease.

 

Taehyung was sporting a fantastic imitation of a fish out of water. Really top notch, Jimin found himself thinking, looking at the funny distorted mouth and wide eyes.

 

"That's not possible." Taehyung said finally, after seeming to pull his bearings together long enough to string together a coherent sentence. "I can't be the one. There must be some mistake."

 

Jimin felt a stab of something... Not irritation, not anger, just something unpleasant. Taehyung didn't love him back, fine. The flowers made that clear. But did he really have to add doubt to the cart too?  

 

"I just don't understand." The younger mumbled, before looking at jimin. Jimin felt his heart clench. Taehyung looked so broken, so confused. His eyes, brown and misty were shining with unshed tears. He just looked so lost.

 

Jimin was the one who fell into a little space once in a while, but Taehyung had always been his baby. Someone he fed, and petted and snuggled. He shouldn't feel bad because stupid Jimin caught stupid feelings, while they were idols in a conservative country. Taehyung didn't do anything wrong. He was just an innocent bystander, who happened to be the recipient of Jimin's own silly unrequited feelings.

 

"I'm so sorry Taehyung-ah. Hyung will make it up to you. I promise. I'll have the surgery and we'll-"

 

"NO! No surgery! No surgery!" Taehyung screamed, startling both Jimin and himself by the sudden outburst. "That's why I don't understand... I- I love you too, Jimin-ah. I always have."

 

It was Jimin's turn to look like a fish out of water.

 

"Huh?" The epitome of eloquence, Park Jimin asked.

 

Then why was he throwing up blood stained flowers?!

 

Taehyung shrugged, still looking extremely perplexed. "Um maybe because it didn't matter how I felt? It mattered that you didn't know I felt it? Jimin-ah, did you ever doubt that you came first for me?"

 

Jimin nodded, his face hung in shame.

 

"When you left, it was the first time since debut that we were split up...  And for so long. I don't know, when I saw how much those other guys adored you, I mean why wouldn’t they? You're perfect of course they did... I was so proud of how well you were doing Taehyung-ah... I was but I kinda felt like you didn't need me anymore. I was scared of that before you left as well, that's why this whole mess started, but then it got worse and worse. And I was dumb. I didn't know it was you. I was constantly yearning for you while simultaneously cursing the person I had supposedly fallen for. I slept in your bed, sometimes wore your shirt, god why am I so lame... It just felt like you were sand in my fist, the harder I tried to hold on, the faster you slipped away. This is so stupid. It took me eavesdropping on Yoongi and Jin hyung to actually get my first kick in the ass... I mean I knew I loved you. I've always loved you so much it hurt. But, romantic love? It didn't even occur to me that it was possible.. I didn't think and when I did, suddenly it seemed silly because _of course_ it was you. Jin hyung was right when he said, 'Who else could qualify?' You're my person, Taehyung-ah. You've been through my side through thick and thin, good times and bad, through Hanahaki's and Little Space, it's you. Even if I die, it's you. You're the one that I want so badly that it damn near killed me..."

 

Jimin's soft rant trailed off as he ran out of breath. Taehyung didn't cut him off once, letting him speak in broken sentences, getting the words that he had clutched so close so tightly to his chest out. He looked up as if suddenly hyper aware of his declaration, of Taehyung's serious, kind eyes on him.   He felt supremely embarrassed and uncomfortable.

 

His best friend was the one who made grand declarations of his love, with big words and even bigger hugs. Jimin was more of the gesture type of boy - a comforting hand on the nape of his neck, ruffling hair, always watching from the sidelines with shining proud eyes and an encouraging thumbs up ready to go if it was required. Maybe being so tightly wound, so locked up and having the one relationship he felt absolutely certain about be threatened instigated the Hanahaki illness in the first place.

 

"Jimin, sweetheart." Taehyung said tenderly, his voice washing through Jimin's insides making him feel like he just chugged a gallon of grandma's chicken soup. Taehyung pressed two fingers under his chin, coaxing him to face him. "Look at me, pabo."

 

Jimin acquiesced, his downcast face, stained with embarrassment turned to Taehyung. The younger leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss on his cheek, prompting Jimin to let out a surprised whimper.

 

"Why didn't you talk to me? About all this? When you realized it was me?" Taehyung asked softly.

 

Jimin took in the vision of the boy in front of him. Hair mussy, eyes puffy from waking up so suddenly, and not for the first time wondered how it took him so long to realize that he was the one he loved.

 

"How could I? I-I was sure you didn't love me back, I mean... I wouldn't have been throwing up gross foliage if you did, right? I didn't even realize how I felt... How could I expect you to feel the same way? Suddenly our friendship had a timer on it... I couldn't bear it. I know I dealt with it badly, I'm so sorry, Taehyungie." His voice cracked, prompting Taehyung to cup his face once again, and place tender, soothing kisses all over the exposed skin. Forehead, cheeks, nose... None we spared. Except his lips, which were tingling like crazy with anticipation.

 

"How long... How long have you known Taehyungie? I mean... Uh. You didn't tell me, either."

 

Taehyung chuckled, his warm breath brushing over Jimin's cheekbone. How is this real? Was he dreaming? Were they _really_ having this conversation?

 

When he pulled away from Jimin, he looked at Jimin, his expression a little exasperated and very fond. It made Jimin's heart feel like it could combust under his gaze. "Uhm let's see, I've known I've loved you since you fell off the Inkigayo stage, successfully taking ten years of my life with you."

 

Jimin gasped, "B-But that was two years ago!"

 

"Yeah, yeah you're right, it was." Taehyung responded laughing. He shrugged, the epitome of nonchalance.

 

"B-But you never said anything."

 

Taehyung, embolden by Jimin's soft quivers every time he kissed him let out a hum of agreement before dropping a soft kiss on the underside of his jaw. Definitely new found territory. Jimin shivered, his small hand encircling his wrist, tugging him closer.

 

"Because it didn't matter. Jimin-ah, I know you. On the off chance you even returned your feelings for me, which was pretty much out of the question to begin with, you never ever would have acted on it. Bangtan means too much to you, and the fans and what they say. You would never jeopardize anything for a relationship with me... I knew that. I loved you Jiminnie, and I was okay with not doing anything about it. I was okay with loving you from afar, being the person you needed me to be."

 

He was right. Jimin hated that he was.

 

It took a disease as serious as Hanahaki's to get his head out of his ass... And even then, he was in denial waaaaaaay too long.  It was probably a miracle he was even alive at this point.

 

Life threatening denial aside, what truly astounded him was how cavalier Taehyung was about putting his heart on the back burner just for him.

 

"Oh no, stop that. I can see the wheels in that brain of yours turning. Jiminnie, stop guilting yourself all the time!" Taehyung commanded. His eyes softened at Jimin's pout immediately.

 

"Sweetheart, I didn't spend the last two years heartbroken and pining for you.  I didn't spend my nights crying while listening to depressing ballads about love and loss. You never gave me the chance to be sad. You've always showered me with so much love and attention, that it didn't matter... I didn't spend my nights crying in a lonely bed because I spent them in your arms instead.. You never let me feel unloved, Jimin. I never wanted more, I promise. I never needed more."

 

Jimin took in what Taehyung said. Let his words sink into his skin. How was this not a dream? It was far from the dramatic confrontation Jimin had always pictured. Everything looked so much more dramatic in the movies. But there was nothing terribly exciting about what they were doing right now. Entangled in his bed, fingers intertwined, talking like they would any other night. Except, this time about being in love instead of what happened last week on "One Piece".

 

Taehyung loved him back. Loved him, Park Jimin, back! Something that he didn't even dare to dream about... Because it was too fruitless, a fantasy... But nothing was fruitless when it came to Taehyung. He should have known that.

 

After Taehyung had deemed it safe to let Jimin's face go, post ensuring every inch had been kissed (except his lips! Jimin pouted discreetly about this), he had flopped back down into their initial sleeping position.

 

Jimin had missed having Taehyung's weight pressing him into the mattress. When the younger boy had first started sneaking into his bed, he hated having him on top of him. It made it hard to breathe, but Taehyung was an octopus and sprawled out on top of Jimin was the only way he slept peacefully. Much to his own chagrin, Jimin began to get used to it as well and the nights when they were on tour and split up into different rooms were uncomfortable.

 

'Jimin-ah, if you can't sleep one night without Taehyung properly, what're you going to do when he starts shooting? The shooting schedule alone is six months before the publicity runs start.' Jin hyung had scolded when he came down to breakfast sporting two panda eyes. That's what started it!

 

Jimin ran his fingers through the silky honey locks, "I just realized what set it off.. The first attack."

 

"You do?!"

 

"Yeah." He narrated what Jin hyung had said, remembering how he had laughed him off that morning. "But then later, at the fansign... You were next to me, being cutesy and annoying like always (Taehyung: Hey!) and I had the first attack."

 

"Whoa. Um Jimin-ah, I'm sorry... I'm sorry you went through so much... so much pain because of me."

 

Jimin sighed and dropped a kiss his head. "I wouldn't have dealt with it any other way. I-I don't want you to think that Bangtan is more important to me than y-you are. I m-mean the boys, I'd die for them just like I would for you... But the fame, fans... I wouldn't have accepted it if it wasn't all in jeopardy. What I'm trying to s-say is if I had to choose between what we have and this life... I'd choose us, V. I-I needed to throw up a rose or two to realize it, and another two to accept it but... I know now. Without a doubt. I'm sorry, I'm terrible at this."

 

Taehyung squeezed his hand, and kissed his chest, his lungs. "You're a lot better than you give yourself credit for, Jimin-ah."

 

 

~~~

 

 

"I want more." Jimin whispered softly. They had been laying in silence for a while. Both too tired to speak but too excited to sleep.

 

"Mhhm?"

 

"Earlier you said you didn't want more. But I do. I-I want more."

 

"More what?" Taehyung's eyes were closed, his voice muffled into Jimin's chest.

 

Jimin didn't respond. Even after all they talked about, requesting for _this_ had him feeling extremely shy. This was Taehyung. _Taehyung_.

 

Taehyung who had finally found himself drifting off to sleep lifted his head up, his face registering complete mental anguish. Jimin couldn't help but laugh at how put upon the younger boy looked.

 

"Tell me, Jiminnie. What do you want?" Still feeling extremely shy, Jimin looked away, his eyes landing on Taehyung's mouth. His own tongue darted out to lick his dry lips nervously.

 

He watched in horror as the the corner of the pout his best friend was currently sporting, curled up into a smirk. An evil smirk. All signs of sleep vanishing instantly. "Oh." His deep voice, rough and enlightened, inducing goosebumps and stomach flips in young Jimin.

 

"Oh." Jimin repeated, voice barely above a whisper.

 

Taehyung scurried to sit up, his enthusiasm easing Jimin enough to make him giggle.

 

"You said you didn't want more."

 

"I don't particularly want a flying car either, Jiminnie, but if an opportunity rises for me to drive in one, you can bet that delectable booty of yours that I'mma drive in one!"

 

Trust Taehyung to make him laugh when his stomach was bubbling with nerves.

 

"You want to, right Jiminnie? We don't have to do anything you don't want to... I promise I love you back." His hand gingerly reached out, touching Jimin's chest, Jimin's lungs. "Please don't hurt him anymore. I love him. I promise."

 

His voice was so sweet, so innocent, Jimin reached out for him.

 

Taehyung met him halfway, as he did in every other realm of their lives. "You're sure?" He asked one more time. Jimin nodded. "You?"

 

"Absotootly."

 

Jimin shot him a blinding grin, before straightening up, managing to maneuver Taehyung into his lap with practiced ease.

 

Taehyung was slightly above him, his warm breath washing over his nose and cheekbones. "You're a dream." Jimin whispered, his heart clenching as his eyes drank in every feature of Taehyung's beautiful face, every feature he had long since memorized. "Jiminnie. Kiss me." Who was Jimin to deny him?

 

Their lips met and Jimin's heart sang.

 

It was a soft peck. Tender, hesitant and so so sweet. Jimin instantly wanted more. Taehyung, as with everything else, willingly obliged.

 

"Ohmygod Jiminnie, what are your lips?" He gasped appreciatively, making Jimin keen with the praise.

 

The kisses got hungrier, messier more passionate.

 

When Jimin pulled away after a long kiss, his head was spinning from the lack of oxygen, and white spots danced in front of his eyes. They were both breathless. Chests heaving, Taehyung leaned forward, pushing Jimin back until his back hit the bed. Their lips reconnected and Jimin absently found himself wishing he had been braver sooner.

 

He knew Taehyung's body well, knew where to touch him to instigate what response. He used this information now, his small hands exploring the chartered territory of the younger boy's broad back, as his legs wrapped tightly around the thin waist, keeping him pinned to him. Taehyung, hands planted firmly against the curve of his waist began rocking against him. Jimin bucked up involuntarily, letting out a needy mewl which Taehyung instantly swallowed.

 

"Okay, I take it back. I want more. I need more." Taehyung said, his voice gruff with desire as he pulled away from Jimin's lips moving down to his neck. He loved the way Jimin's voice got high pitched and needy, when he pushed the right buttons. He was careful not to leave any bruises, pressing open mouthed kisses on every inch of the soft skin, running his tongue over the sensitive creamy expanse. "Tae- nhng.." Jimin's fingers dug into his shoulder as he squirmed under him.

 

Taehyung was delirious with desire. Jimin had unwittingly opened the floodgates to feelings he himself had been quite ignorant of.

 

His hands slipped under the well-worn T-shirt, his T-shirt, it was so much bigger on Jimin's small frame, draping over his shoulder and exposing his exquisite collar bone and the little mole right under it. He had always wanted to kiss it, now he could. Now he had the permission. It was insane.

 

His fingers ran over the curves and plains of soft, silky skin under the older boy's shirt, enticing another delicious mewl from Jimin. It was music to his ears, a song he didn't want to end. He kissed his way down to the clothed chest. ‘I. Love. You.’ He reiterated silently, punctuating every word with a kiss on the spot that caused his friend, his love, so much pain.

 

Jimin loved him back.

 

The last few months had been hell. No, it had been worse than hell.

 

Not only was it heartbreaking that Jimin loved someone... But he loved them enough to get so sick, loved them enough to endure an excruciating amount of pain.

 

He had done little else but read up on Hanahaki's once he found out about Jimin's illness. Jimin had tried to be vague, spare him the nitty gritty details, but Taehyung was perceptive enough to catch what he didn't say. The boy always loved too fucking much.

 

It took every fibre of his will not to run through the streets of Seoul over turning trucks and kicking random pedestrians. He also wanted to murder someone. The person Jimin was in love with to be precise. Not because Jimin loved him, but because he/she apparently didn't love Jimin back! The nerve! How dare they? Could anyone in the universe do better than Park Jimin? No one was worthy.

 

And then, his own heartbreak aside... Jimin kept keeping him at arm's length. It should have made the inevitable easier, after all, it wasn't him that Jimin was pining for. But it only made it more difficult. Jimin avoiding his calls, not responding to his texts, keeping him at bay - it hurt. Being hundreds of miles away while knowing the other members were lying as well was beyond infuriating. Jimin thought he was crazy to travel both to Seoul and Busan just for him, but the truth was, he would have gone crazy if he didn't. He hated being isolated, he hated being away from the boy he loved, and he hated being left out. He hated the person Jimin had fallen for. He wanted to find the culprit and shake them. Shake them until they didn't exist anymore. Ideally.

 

Communication had never ever been a problem for the two of them. So this was completely uncharted territory. Unchartered territory and he didn't have compass.

 

He was angry all the time. He was mad at Jimin for not talking to him, mad at the other members for lying to him, he was mad at the culprit who had stolen Jimin's heart and had the indecency to break it and damn near kill him in the process but mostly he was just mad at himself for being an idiot in love with the most unattainable person in his life. No. He was definitely madder at the person who didn't reciprocate Jimin's feelings... What kind of idiot did you have to be not to love Jimin? It was Jimin! The closest thing to perfection the human race would ever come to.

 

When he flew to Busan, he hadn't realized how much being with Jimin in little space would help him. Jimin being in little space was always about his best friend. It was about drawing him out of the prison he built for himself, about helping him to let go - even if it was for only a couple of hours, let him escape. That's how it had worked for the last year...

 

But this time, being able to take care of him, having Jimin submit completely to little space, letting go entirely, enabled him to take control. For the first time in a long time, he felt in control of something. He felt responsible for Jimin. Those few hours healed him as much as it healed his best friend. It was humbling to realize that the power he wielded, the power he felt was only possible when Jimin gave it to him. Submitted to him entirely.

 

"Taehyungie. Please...” The boy under him whimpered bringing him back to the powder blue bedroom.

 

Taehyung felt a rush of possessiveness when he looked down at Jimin, so pliant and vulnerable under him. His skin, porcelain white under the faint moonlight and his frame, so tiny due to the sudden weight loss made him look so fragile. He was so precious, so, so precious.

 

Feeling momentarily overwhelmed by the affection squeezing his heart mercilessly, Taehyung pressed a tender kiss on the beautiful pouty lips. Jimin's lips were, in lack of a better word, like pillows, shockingly soft and so so smooth. The religious application of lip balm showed and Taehyung was ever so grateful for it. He felt bad for Jimin who was subjected to his own chapped lips.

 

"Tae?" Jimin whispered, his voice quiet and concerned. It was only then that Taehyung realized that he was crying. Well, this was embarrassing.

 

"Sorry! Sorry. It's just... You love me."

 

Jimin's concerned frown melted into his signature sweet smile, his eyes fond and gazing at Taehyung like he was the most precious of treasures. He giggled into his small hand, the sound resembling tinkling bells. It shot Taehyung right in the heart.

 

"I thought we covered that already, Taehyungie."

 

"I just can't believe it, that's all."

 

"Mmm. Maybe I can convince you." Jimin said, his smile going from sweet to coy. Taehyung felt something in his gut twist. How was he supposed to survive when this Charlie Brown seamlessly pulled off being both achingly sweet and effortlessly sexy simultaneously?! He was only human!

 

"Oh yeah? How you going to do that?"

 

With one slick move, Jimin flipped him over, pinning him to the mattress. It was easy to forget how strong Jimin was, how much stronger than him. It reiterated once again, all the power he had was how much Jimin chose to give him.

 

"Lemme show you."

 

 

~~~

 

 

They had chosen to go visit Dr. Renjo straight from Incheon airport. Jimin wanted everything checked. Although he had no doubt that Taehyung was the one, he wanted the doctor to give him the green signal. Tell him he was okay, he was free.

 

Taehyung held his hand through the meeting. The x-rays showed three flowers in each lung but Dr. Renjo seemed very pleased. "When you've poured over as many x-rays as I have, Jimin-ah, you can decipher between new and old flowers.  These are definitely old, once you expel these you'll be fine. Of course, we have to keep you on the medication for the next couple of months, but come October you should be good as new."

 

Jimin collapsed back into his chair with relief. October. That's when their comeback was. He'd be fine for comeback. Thank god!

 

"Excuse me, Renjo-Seonsaengnim. I have to leave for Jeju tomorrow. Is there a chance my absence could cause an attack?"

 

"Well, I can't answer that exactly. The recovery period for each Hanahaki case is unique. Now that Jimin-ah is out of danger we _want_ him to expel the flowers. We can assist and induce an attack, but it's best to let nature run its course and he does it naturally."

 

The doctor signed Jimin's prescription and handed it over to him. "There hasn't been a case of Hanahaki's affecting the same person twice, so don't be afraid to fight with each other or fall apart. Sometimes things don't work out the way we plan and it's sad but it's alright. It's life. This is a new beginning for you two. Give it your best shot and don't be afraid. Trust in your love. Be good and kind, respectful to each other. The hands of fate brought you together, and now the rest is up to you."

 

With grateful smiles, they bid farewell to the doctor, Jimin surprising him with a hug, before they headed down to the car. They were both all too aware that they still had a lot to talk about. Firstly, they needed to talk to their members, figure out together whom to tell and whom not to. There was a lot to do. But having his fingers intertwined with his best friend's, it seemed a lot less daunting to Jimin then when he was alone with his thoughts. He loved Taehyung, and Taehyung loved him. Maybe if he hadn't suffered through the Hanahaki's illness it would be a lot easier to write off their relationship, put the social expectations and fan demands first. Before Hanahaki none of this would have been worth the risk.

 

"Jimin-ah, baby are you okay? You look a little pale."

 

Jimin coughed, as a soft velvety flower made its way up his throat. He had become quite accustomed to the pain. Throat constricting around the carnation, he could decipher the difference now, he gagged as the flower finally passed the uvula. A hard cough and out fell the perfect pink carnation into his hand.

 

It was only when he blinked down at the flower that he finally register Taehyung's screaming voice next to him. "Baby. Baby, please be okay. Oh my fucking god-"

 

"I'm okay." He choked out.

 

"Oh god. Is that what you've been going through for _months_?" Taehyung looked absolutely stricken. It was one thing to read about it in theory but to witness what Jimin had been enduring all by himself for MONTHS, it was too much.

 

"It's okay. Tae-yah, I'm fine. I promise. This was a minor one. It's okay. See I can talk and everything. One down, five to go."

 

But he was too late. Tears were already brimming over Taehyung's eyes, streaming down his cheeks.

 

"Oh baby, pet, no, don't cry. Don't cry, angel. I'm okay. I swear."

 

"B-But to see you suffering..  Because of me-"

 

"Don't you dare, sweetheart! This is no more your fault, than it is mine or even Jin hyung’s. No one is at fault, no one is to blame. This is a very, very small price to pay for having what we have now. I promise. I'm okay. You're okay. We're okay. We're going to be okay. Right?"

 

Taehyung sniffled and nodded.

 

They had a lot to figure out still. But yes, they were okay.

 

"We're going to be okay." He agreed.

 

"Even if I die, it's you."

 

Taehyung's tear-streaked face broke into his signature boxy grin. He bent down and pressed his lips against Jimin's. For once, Jimin didn't care about the fact that they were in a compromising position in some random parking lot. He returned the watery kiss back, squeezing their interlaced fingers together.

 

When he pulled away with shining eyes and a heart full of love he repeated, "Even if I die, it's you."

 

 

~~~

 

  

Fin.

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my story and for making it all the way to the end! =) I hope you liked it. 
> 
> I am still very new to writing/posting, so please let me know if any of the tags/warnings need to be changed. Thank you!


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